springflower eyes } lucy&frances blitz

f r a n c e s --

There's times where I think that it should've been me first. That Jeq and Amerika were tests and I failed them, shit did I fail them. I'll sit on that cement floor, rubbing grey paint on neapolitan by myself and wondering if it's my fault somehow. If it's my fault I lost Jasmine, or that it's my fault that Jeq or Amerika died and that for some reason I'm still alive. I think I wasn't supposed to be this bitter and live, what have I got going on for me anyways? It's not like I got big booty whores waiting for me or anything, I'm alone and I try as much as I can to not let the last name Eckhart mix with the paint of my blood. 

Shit, I just like being bitter I guess. 

And sitting in this room, I'm convinced I'm the only fucking one. They were both fucking martyrs and I'm nothing but a mercenary. Elvaina's the only one I've actually ever come close to bonding with, but shit if Lucy ain't try her hardest to care about me. They showed up for her before me - first, second, third - I wanted to go in the middle. Just something irrelevant in the mix of 'sisters,' besides, she probably doesn't want the last taste on her tongue before she leaves to be my sulfuric personality. 

I go in after Elvaina, nodding to her and rubbing my palms on my jeans; fuck. I'm actually nervous to talk to her for once, the peacekeeper nods and clocks me five minutes and I nod back throwing up deuces while going over how to not be an asshole in my head. I'm practically only doing this for Elvaina, I've been taking these like, shitty lessons on being a good citizen from her since I ditched out on Amerika's justice building. And hell, I gotta make sure these girls don't completely hate me because I pray to god one actually saves my skin like Lucy did somebody else.

"Uuuuh, hey, Lucrez- Lucy. Yeah" 

Fuck I done fucked up good.

For some reason I didn't expect it to just be us two, I mean, I don't know what else I was expecting. There's been nothing but awkwardness between us on the good times, she's a bitch but she's a hot bitch and that's all I know about her. I smiled weird and I try not to hold contact with her - good memories. I'm trying to create a memory about me that's actually worth a damn for once. 

"Y'know, I always thought  you'd be good at killing someb-"

What the fuck.

"I mean, I think you'll make it."

What the fuck.