Keres McAlister | District Seven | FIN
Jun 17, 2016 17:08:18 GMT -5
Post by sbeeg on Jun 17, 2016 17:08:18 GMT -5
Hey there Kaplan!
So this bio is going to need some more fleshing out before it can be accepted.
First of all, there is a problem with this "evil" character. Every person is a mix of bad and good. Jeffery Dahmer murdered people and ate their organs but also felt bad about it and had other human traits. She needs to have some kind of humanity to her otherwise she's a flat character.
Second of all, you need to think of how someone with her particular hobbies would operate especially in district like seven. If her family is known to be evil and everyone knows she is evil then why don't they arrest her? If her parents cover up her crimes does it mean she tortures people in her home? Do they follow her out? If you're going to have a character like this there needs to be way more details on how she works and how she avoids being arrested (if she does avoid it). You can't blatantly kill people in a dystopia and get away with it. Think of how this world works.
Lastly, there needs to be way more explanation for everything. This bio just barely meets the paragraph minimum for the site but with a complicated character like this there needs to be more details.Some of the many crimes I have committed include anything from arson, to murder, torture and mutilation of my victims.
Does she burn down buildings? Are citizens and Peacekeepers not furious about this especially in a district that so heavily deals in wood? Murder, torture, and mutilation of who? Who are her victims? Are they people? Are they a specific age or gender? Do people not notice people going missing, and if she tortures them and lets them go why has she not been arrested?
If you have any questions feel free to PM me on slack or the site.
Once these changes have been made post in this thread again and staff will take another look.
Thanks^^