Trail Of Tears [Kay]

My eyes flicker through the room fixating on the dark walls. Stars twinkle in the night sky hidden beneath tiny clouds. The light of the moon glistens through the window shades. It's almost a perfect night, but something is still missing. Something will always be missing because I wasn't good enough. Weaver won't ever come bursting through the doors singing with Elidor ever again. He won't appear at any of the family dinners. I won't see him again until I die, and knowing that the last way I saw him was with tears rolling down the side of his face as he doubled over in pain destroys me. It haunts my dreams. Many nights I can hear him calling out to me begging for me to save him, and I try, but each time I wake up realizing it's only a dream. But at one point it wasn't a dream. It was real, and I couldn't save him. Tonight it wasn't only him. It was Crusader, Iain, Carrita, and Iona as well.

I failed as a brother, as a husband, as a mentor, and as a person. Soon enough, Navya will know I am a bad father. I allowed Snow to try to push the relationship away by throwing me into some stupid game Kate was the star of. I allowed him to control me, but I will do anything to protect the ones I love and care for. I've made it known many times. Yet it never seems to do anything but hurt me. A silent sigh leaves my lips. I carefully adjust my leg before pushing myself out of the bed. My gait is heavy like it has always been since my victory. Walking with a fake leg has been a lot of work, and it hinders my every day performances, but I try not to let it hold me back.

Everywhere I turn I can see the ghosts of the twenty-three tributes from the seventy-first games lingering in the corners. Someith, Heather, Spetys, Beretta, Kitty, Chloe, Annora, every single one of them dance through the halls in front of me, and I wish they'd just go away because I don't want to deal with them right now. It's too much, and I can't take it anymore. I know I said I'd honor them, and I'd carry them with me for as long as possible, yet the weight of them is pushing me so far down. Forgetting them is impossible, and I don't know what it is about tonight, but they're here.

Down the steps, and into the living room, I throw some wood into the fire pit, and within a matter of seconds I have the fire coming to life. I wipe a few tears away before plopping down into my chair facing the flame. I glare into its eyes, and I can see Septys, the dragon warrior, standing in front of me. He stood beside me. He fought bravely in the finale, but even the brave can't win the games. My eyes close for a moment, and I'm about to drift off to sleep -

The cries of Vera echo through the room, and within seconds I'm on my feet running to aid her. My gait carries through the house, and I'm worried I'll wake Navya, but I can't let that hold me back. She deserves to sleep because she's done so much for me, and I've done so little for her. Hang on, Vera, daddy's coming. I want to shout, but I force myself to keep quiet because it has to be the early morning hours.

I turn the corner into the room, and I see her thrashing about inside her crib, and it breaks my heart knowing that she's so young, so vulnerable. Taking a deep breath, I reach down into the crib before lifting my tiny daughter into the air. Swinging her around gently in my arms, I stare into her eyes. "Shh. Shh. Daddy's here." Yet her cries grow louder, and I don't know what to do until I remember a song I heard before, but I can't sing. Elidor is asleep, and Weaver isn't here to help me - I have to try.

Clearing my throat, I look straight into her eyes. "Come stop your crying it'll be alright. Just take my hand and hold it tight. I will protect you from all around. I will be here don't you cry..."