afterthought ♢ sarasin
Oct 4, 2016 8:56:13 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2016 8:56:13 GMT -5
calanthia --
There's a ringing, the whistle of a sink faucet, blood draining from my face and off my hands; I panicked. Eye contact, bright eyes locked into their own reflection -- he attacked me, it was self defense I, I-
I'm a murderer.
"Fuck," it's deafening. The water's whistle, my heavy breathing; having to stare myself in the face -- I killed Jannik. And for a moment I feel something inside of me collapse, my body compress on itself and making me sick. Fuck, and for a moment I feel like collapsing all the same. I choke on something in my throat, drying my face and eyes and hand and rinsing blood from the sink; I can't do this. Sarasin, a murderer. I can't-
So I must.
The door clicks behind me as softly as I can get it to, my harsh breathing mixed with drunk stumbling -- god. This is gonna be embarrassing, huh? I hold my breath on the train, a ride to the Sarasin Castle; I shouldn't be here, I say to myself. Holding onto the pole for dear life on the travel, shaking and stumbling and weak,
I was supposed to get better than this.
"Lucrezia?" A murmur, unsteady.
Like a dying heart beat.
I wander this castle, the one I left behind for so long -- Calanthia, it feels foreign. Like I've never been here in my life, but as myself I guess I haven't. I feel the red of my lips, biting my chipped nails, trying to recollect balance. Steady breathing. Steady heartbeat -- "Lucrezia?"
A midnight whisper, Calanthia. I can't do this. My fingers tremble on the doorknob of her room, and I can barely breathe --
but I have to.
"I need help."[ ice cream ]