homesick {Maddy oneshot}

How could this happen? She asked herself many times. First Esme, now Bailey. Silent tears rolled down her sunken cheeks dripping silently on the dirt floor. Downcast eyes stared through the window at the grass outside. The stables she helped keep. The animals roaming through the fenced in area. Maddy was lucky the Truus family took her in when her family left her behind, but the price wasn't easy. She wouldn't change any of it, though, because she had a family. Blood didn't mean anything. The Truus family had a bond that ran deeper than blood. Watching Esme died destroyed her from the inside out. Pain ate away at her body especially when Cowie became sick.

It should've been me.

But when the time came, she couldn't bring herself to raise her hand to volunteer in place of her the sweet girl she loved and cared for. Esme Truus was strong, she didn't deserve the fate the Capitol threw at her. Maddy promised herself she wouldn't allow anyone else in her family to die the same way if she had a way to save them, yet when Bailey's name was called, she froze in place unable to move. It was a mixture of shock, fear, and anger. But she didn't hear the name. All she saw was her cousin moving forward to the stage.

Please forgive me.

Her hands clenched tightly into fists as she eyed the birds flying through the sky thinking of the younger Truus still living inside these walls. Evelyn spread her wings like the birds taking flight while most were stuck morning the loss of those gone too soon. Neither of them deserved to die, but what made them better than the other twenty-three waltzing through the arena? Nothing did. Not a single one of them deserved to die, yet Maddy was selfish like she imagined every family was. They only cared for their loved one. Was it wrong? She didn't have the answer. A heavy sigh left her chest in the form of a sob. A broken heart begged for an escape while crushed dreams turned into reality.

Kraygon was out feeding the animals and putting more straw in the stables. Evelyn was asleep on the old, rugged couch. Maddy didn't know where Aaron or Turian ran off to. Her parents were in the small kitchen cooking dinner. She wasn't sure what they were fixing because they had only started, but she longed to taste it, but at the time she dread the moment. Two empty chairs collected dust around the table because it was an unspoken rule to never move them away. Maddy had never gotten used to seeing Esme's empty chair, and now Bailey's had joined her's.

"Maddy." Kraygon's voice broke through the silence removing Maddy from her thoughts. Quickly she turned around wondering how long he'd been standing there without saying a word. Her tear filled eyes met his - "I think Cowie is depressed or something. She won't eat. She refuses to drink." It had been over five years since Cowie had the ability to see her human. To see Esme. To feel her touch in the mornings as she dumped food into the troth. Maddy's head fell forward and her shoulders dropped. "Maybe you can coax her into eating or drinking?" Kraygon shrugged his shoulders, and Maddy knew something had to happen otherwise the cow would die.

"Watch Evelyn. She's been crying out in her sleep." She sighed while pointing at the couch.

Lifting a shaky hand, Maddy wiped the tears away before heading outside. Dead grass crunched beneath her feet. A gentle breeze filled the air, and she swore she heard Esme laughing in the wind. But each time she turned, the sounds were lost as a sorrowful reminder. Maddy imagined Bailey and Esme playing together with all the deceased farm animals, yet the afterlife was still a concept she couldn't grasp. It was more than she realized, and she wouldn't know what it was like until she was there.

Going through the stables, she looked at all the animals watching them munch on the hay Kraygon gave them until she found the very last one. Cowie was lying on the ground barely moving, barely breathing. A broken heart crashed against the ground shattering into millions of tiny shards. Her knees shook beneath the weight of her body. Moving became hard, yet she pushed herself forward until she finally collapsed into the pile of hay next to the cow. Place a hand on the cow's head, Maddy found herself breaking once more.

"Hey, girl." Her words were soft as she stroked the cow's fur. "I know you miss, Esme. I miss her too. Every single day. Every second. I miss her more than words can describe." Maddy's voice trailed off as a river poured from her eyes. "But please, girl. Hang on. For her. For us, the family. For me." She rest her head against the head of the cows. "Don't leave me like they did. I can't lose you." A shattered heart crashed into the ground as a river flowed heavily from her eyes. "It's still too soon. Bailey... She's... gone too. She's...Esme. Please don't leave, Cowie. Please." Begging a cow to stay on the earth for a bit longer felt almost stupid, and Maddy knew the cow was getting old in age, and that she, like humans, would eventually die. She just hoped and prayed it wasn't any time soon because she couldn't deal with the pain. But if Cowie was ready to join Esme, and Bailey, Maddy would let her go.

"It'll be okay. I'll fix you. Just like old times." But it wasn't enough because the odds of Cowie surviving the winter was slim to none.