Noreen Vipointe//D12//FIN

Age: 15

Gender: female

District/Area: district twelve

Appearance:

If you see a tall thin girl with long straight brown hair and tatooed arms, that's me. Not many people in district twelve have a tatoo, but I did mine with my best friend's help. She is really good at drawing, so it wasn't hard for her to make it look perfect. It was a lot more painful than I had expected, though. We used a needle and ink to do this and I really regret we didn't have an anaesthetic, because it really hurts. I was bleeding like a Hunger Games tribute and was so weak after the procedure was over, that I almost collapsed right in the shack where we were hiding. And it wasn't the worst part. After I got home, I fell asleep right away and the next day I had a fever which was going on for two weeks. Now it's over, though, and my arms are beautifully decorated. Beauty means sacrifice. I also pierced my ears under the stairs when I was ten, but that didn't really have any significant effect on my appearance.

Except for the tatoos, there's not much to notice. I have high-arched long black eyebrows and long, thick black eyelashes. My eyes are huge, dark brown and deep. My ex-boyfriend often said they look like chocolate. My nose is not very big and a little turned up. I don't eat much (and there's not much food in my house anyway), so I have always been rather skinny.

There is only one thing you really need to know about me. Never. Call. Me. Noreen. I will burn you to ashes with one fierce look and in a few short moments you will be literally gone with the wind. My parents gave me my full name after I was born, but I will never use it. Noreen was my mother's name and it will always be. I will never be good enough to replace her and this name can't be mine. I am not as loving, caring, clever and beautiful. I don't deserve to be thought of as someone who might be equal to her. Noreen was my mother. I am just Nora.

Noreen was cheerful, Nora is not. I am not a pessimist, but I never get too excited about anything (even if I do, I don't show it). I am always calm, I don't smile much and I haven't been laughing since I was a baby. I try to be friendly with people around me, though, and I never refuse to help. I always try to look at the bright side, even if life feels like it couldn't get any worse. Almost any problem can be solved, but even if there is nothing I can do, worrying doesn't help. However, at some point I almost feel desperate, but I try to never lose hope and fight for my future.

Future is like a song of tomorrow. You can't touch or feel it yet, nevertheless, it is really close and enchants your soul. It is a beautiful dream that never comes true... Though sometimes life turns out even better than we thought it would be, even if it's not what we expected. I have been trying to learn to control time and my fate since I was little, but it is impossible. However, I like to think that I make my own destiny and I'm the one in charge of the whole world, even though it's not true. 

I can sing for hours and never get tired of it. When my contralto fills the house, I forget all my fears, doubts and troubles. I feel like the time slows down and I am flying through the universe, like every problem is gone and the world around me is full of love and joy. It helps me be self-confident and makes me the one who is responsible for my life.

Future is like rain. It is so enormous and mysterious that you never know when and where it ends, you can't see anything behind it. I love staring at the raindrops on my window or just walk under the falling skies and pouring water. It feels like moving forward to the heart of the mystery. And it washes all my worries away. Thunderstorms and rainbows will always remain the same, at least it seems to be that way. And if they don't change, neither will I.

Future is like heights. To be happy you have to conquer it. I love to climb different buildings and the roof of my house to see as far as I can. Everything looks more peaceful and happy from the top. The higher I climb, the more I see. When I am high above the ground I feel connected to a huge lot of people, houses, districts.

To make a difference I have to be clever. I try to become as smart as I can and read a lot. It is actually a lot of fun to learn new things and understand the world better. I hope that someday I will know everything my mother knew. I want to make her proud of me.

I am rather strong and I often help my father with the housework. I am the one responsible not only for laundry and cooking, but also for all the reparations around the house. I often spend my free time mending the roof. Sometimes I earn extra money for our family by fixing broken chairs at school. I am really good at all these things.

I was born on the 25th day of May. May is my favourite month and I love celebrating my birthday. It is always fun to wake up in the morning and realise that I am one year older all of a sudden. I never get big presents, but it doesn't matter. The greatest surprise for me is getting to spend some time with my dad and being happy. Birthdays are always perfect. Almost. They would have been ideal, if I didn't miss my mother so much.

Mom always used to make my birthday the most beautiful day of the year. She didn't even care about the money she had to spend. She borrowed a lot of products from our neighbours and returning them was always hard, but no matter what, I still had a delicious cake with candles. She always did everything to cheer our family up. And she was gone when I was seven. We haven't been baking cakes since then. And the world doesn't feel the same without her immature laughter and constant singing. (By the way, I got my voice from her).

After mom died, I was afraid of life, afraid that everyone I love will pass away someday. I was only close with my dad and my best friend. However, I still talked to people a lot, I just tried not to get too attached to them. Nobody except for my friend seemed to be interested in me, either. I was just an ordinary girl among indifferent people.

Things changed when I was fourteen, though. One day a guy from my school came up to me and offered to carry my bag. He walked me home and we were talking a lot. Since that day we were always doing homework together and I really liked him, I think. After being friends for two months we kissed once. I thought I was in love and he was saying he liked me, too. I even invited him to have dinner at my house and introduced him to my dad. We were often hanging out together. He didn't like the name Nora, and I didn't want to be called Noreen for obvious reasons, so he was the first and the only one to call me Nory.

And in about a month he said that he was breaking up with me. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. He just told me it wasn't serious and we are not perfect for each other. A week later I decided to tell him that if we won't be together, we can still be friends if he wants. I just couldn't imagine my life without him. When I finally found my ex-boyfriend, he didn't notice me and I overheard him saying mean things about me to his friend. I ran away and never came near him again.

He said that I was a nerd. He said that I was a sentimental freak. Why? Am I really that different from the people around me? I thought about it a lot and eventually decided he was right. He was too good for me. And I am just a weirdo who will never be able to behave like everyone else. My best friend tried to comfort me and thought of different crazy ideas to amuse me. That was when she suggested that we make tatoos on my arms. I agreed, but only because I wanted to feel pain and forget about everything else (though I also think it looks beautiful). The truth is, I still miss having my boyfriend around. I guess I just can't live without loving someone and my father is working in the mines most of the tiime, so I tried to put all my passion in the feelings I had for him.

When I was walking around the district alone one day, I saw something in the grass. It looked like a small egg. I decided to bring it home to cook it for breakfast next morning. When I woke up the next day, I saw that the egg was cracking and finally a small snake appeared out of it. I fed it some milk, made it a house and it has been living in my room since that day. His name is Rainbow, just because I like Rainbows. He is not really colourful, just grey and yellow.

Rainbow is actually the first living creature on this planet I am in fact responsible for. Since I had adopted him, I was thinking about his fate every time I was walking to the Reaping. Who knows what will happen to him if I go into the Arena and don't come back? Will dad change straw in his box on time every day? Will he have enough to eat? Honestly, I don't know what I would do if I were reaped. It would be hard for me to say goodbye to everything I hold dear.

Last year my cousin Petra was reaped and died in the Games. We weren't  close to each other, we never really talked, but I was crying the day it happened. We could have become friends one day, she could have had a life and it all was simply taken from her and from everyone in the district. People die every year and I can't help but wonder if it will be me who gets murdered one day. It is so terrifying that I don;t even want to think about it.

A couple of months ago my best friend started to go out with my ex-boyfriend. I was trying to keep calm at first, but I couldn't stand it. I was afraid that he would hurt her the same way he hurt me. After I told her that, she got mad at me and said that I was just jealous and wanted to get my ex back. I tried to explain to her, that I would never ruin her life and she didn't believe me. That was how I lost my last friend.

After that life went black and unamusing instantly. I couldn;t sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy my life. I just kept thinking what I was doing wrong. I thought my friend would support and trust me no matter what and I made a mistake. Why was I a disappointment for everyone? I was still studying hard, walking, watching the world around, but being all alone sucked.

Suffering makes the greatest writers. At least, it boosted my creativity, so that's what I think. One day I just came home, ate dinner and rhymes began to form inside my head. I kept sitting quietly for a while with something yet unknown flowing through my heart and brains, connecting them together. Finally, I took a small notebook and wrote down my first poem:

"I'm standing here, in the crowd,

With no real friends to make:

My soul is full of fear and doubt,

The life's a stage and I'm a fake.

Alone amongst the stranger's faces,

The one, whom others will despise..."

And then I knew the answer. I realised, how stupid I was and how wrong it is to blame myself for everything. I didn't feel guilty anymore.

"Your arrogance has left its traces,

But in the end my sun shall rise."

I have been writing down my thoughts and poems down in the notebook since that day. I don't care if my poetry isn't really breathtaking or outstanding. I just need it to have something to put my heart in. When I give a part of my soul away to the paper, I feel like I gain twice as much. Writing gives me self-confidence and helps me understand my emotions better.

I am feeling really optimistic right now. I know that I will have my best friend back. And if I won;t, I'll meet someone else, and it will be somebody who will be ready to appreciate me. I am not angry with anyone or depressed, I have just let it all go. The only thing that i am always about is my mother's death and I will always try to remember her and honor her memory.

I think that when I grow up, I will run away from my district. I could take my father and Rainbow with me and we would live happily ever after. The woods seem endless, like the future, and I hope I can find it there. I want to be free and independent from the Capitol. However, right now I am not old enough to do this, because I simply wouldn't survive in the wild if I did escape now. Besides, I love my district and don't want to leave it. Not yet. But it is really possible that some day I will start on my journey to look for the better tomorrow. And right now I will just try to make the most of my life and never give up on myself.