aster desrosiers, district ten | [cbd, 3] fin.

ASTER DESROSIERS —
gone girl,

She kills herself with pills and potions, leaving the meat within her rotten and hiding beneath skin that is stained with artificial galaxies. She's always been fascinated with the thought of disappearing — of existing only in phases. To live a thousand lives and to die a thousand deaths. Her sister lives in a world of fantasies, singing the song of a lost princess. Ana lies to herself so that she can always see the light, whereas Aster pulls the night around herself and stands in the fire of the stars. She lets herself burn. Aster lies in the worst of ways; a spoiled little girl bashing her head on the floorboards until her nose bleeds, telling her mother that she's fallen ill. A moody preteen pushing herself down the grand staircase, snapping her leg from the fall and saying that it happened after a small trip. She lies in bed wrapped in cold cloths, cheeks flushed red and fingers shaking, and the doctors say it's terminal. Ana grabs her hand and squeezes, promises that she'll be okay while their parents use her as a sob story, but no one knows about the things that she keeps stuffed under her mattress and hidden inside of her pillow — the herbs and plants that she's identified as poisonous, slowly building an immunity to them while also deteriorating her health so that she can play the role that she's chosen to audition for. Ten's officials know that if a young woman is bleeding from the mouth and pulling a muscle every other day, then it's hopeless. But Aster only laughs when they leave her to rest, and she leeches off of Ana's hope without needing it. Hands locked together, she looks at her shared faced and smiles weakly. 'Can you tell me another story, Ana?' Her smile falters, but Aster's stays sharp.

'Of course.'

'Ana?'

'Yes, Aster?'

'I'm afraid to die.'

But she's not.

'Don't say that.'

Tears fall and Ana shakes, fighting to keep her innocence alive despite the inevitable loss of her sister, but Aster's still flashing her teeth.

Death does not scare her. Ruining herself does not frighten her. Her sense tells her that recklessness will be the end of her, but watching her family break and mourn will be enough of an award for her. 

——— she's content with death
because it's hers to control.