Eclipse: A horror story (autobiographical)

A brief summary of my Eclipse adventure:

The night started out like any old trip to the movies. The moment I entered the door, however, I didn't know if I would ever emerge again. It was crowded as hell. And everyone was wearing an eclipse shirt, or they were over 20. We quickly went to our theatre where I claimed the very middle seat in the first row, thank you make believe OCD. Shortly after the 14 seats on my right were filled with Twi-moms and their boyfriends and husbands. I quickly escaped to my doom at the consession stand line where I waited for 45 minutes to get a medium popcorn at which I was charged $5.50 and they didn't even have salt. I returned to my seat. At 12:01am screams erupted from the audience and I promptly responded with,"SHUT UP! THE MOVIE DOESN'T START AT EXACTLY TWELVE!" Dylan grabbed my hand and continued to pat my shoulder in attempt to get me to shut the f*ck up. A few minutes later the screen went dark and the audience erupted again. With which I joined in their yelling,"WOOOO! IT'S THE FREAKING PREVIEWS YOU RETARDS." I cannot stress how disappointed I was that there was in fact NO Harry Potter preview for me to cheer on, and will be writing a strongly worded letter to Stephenie Meyer about this. The movie quickly followed the previews, but you couldn't tell it was the movie because it looked just like the previews. So when the moon came on that read 'Eclipse' everyone started shouting. I tapped my fingernails in response as my lip twitched in disgust. SPOILER ALERT! The movie starts with Edward and Bella kissing in the field. Creative, I know. And moves to going to see Charlie and so on. But to be honest I can't even remember this half of the movie BECAUSE IT WAS INSANELY BORING. So instead I'll tell you about the parts I do remember. I remember the moment Jacob appeared on screen and someone yelled "Holy hell!" And then I laughed. I remember that so much saliva was shared in that movie that I was afraid all the actors would get AIDS. Edward + Bella x49357986. Jacob + Bella x2. Alice + Jasper x2. Riley + Victoria x1. Dear god. I recall the almost sex scene between Bella and Edward and people yelling inappropriate things. Such as "get freaky!", "take it off!", "edward where are you?!", "yeah!!" and my comments of course, "ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!", "Dylan, let go of my hand.". One of my favourite comments about this scene was "She's gonna get pregnant!" Shortly after, Dylan and I spent the next 10 minutes arguing over whether or not it was a girl or guy that said it. By the way, it was a girl. Everytime Jacob came on screen shirtless, screams erupted, I must admit I too was tempted to yell "GET INSIDE ME!" but I have learned to restrain myself in a public place. When Bella was deciding whether or not to marry Edward, only one comment was made, "Bitch better say yes." The woman was black. At one point in the movie, Bella stabs herself and blood rushes out. I remember thinking to myself, "No one bleeds that fast." and also, "please die please die." Here are some random things I noted during the movie: Taylor Lautner has shoulder muscles and big ones, but what is the point of that? Taylor also has an abnormally large belly button. I enjoy the character Alice's choice of earings. Jackson Rathbone's hair has gotten longer and more wavy, I enjoy this fact. Will the Claire De Lune be on every soundtrack? I also must add some of their shaky camera work wanted to make me throw up, I was getting dizzy. At the end of the movie Bella tells Edward that they need to tell Charlie that they're getting married and it's a good thing he's bullet proof. One person started laughing hysterically. it is hear you can point out who read the books and who didn't, because really? That was an exact quote. The movie ended and everyone once again erupted into screams. I joined in adding my own, "WOOO!! IT'S FINALLY OVER! Can we please leave?" I rose from my seat realizing that I had to pee. When I exited theatre number 6 I saw that the bathroom had a long waiting line. The was no way I was going to urinate with twihards, I decided to hold it. My will is strong. This concludes my breif summary of my Eclipse adventure. I know, your astounded that my writing it much better than that of Stephenie Meyer, but I don't want to brag. It you want to know anything else about my adventure, you're welcome to ask. Guess what? I didn't even have to use the word chuckle in my story. Oh shit.