archie { d4 fin

I ain't ever been worth much. 

A good ole lavender day - pa always said those were the ones worth livin'. I guess there ain't much to debate on with that. We sat 'cross from one 'nother, good ole sea beds, sea walkers, he smoked something heavy from a pipe and I sat on the floor, my feet tappin' on wooden floor to the sounds of an old man's guitar strummin' outside; swamp boys don't got much goin' on, you see. I've always been a good one, good for something- I know that much, worth bein' nothin' more than portrait frames on silver mantle branches. 

The day my ma came back to us, my grandpa walked me out to the marshes- stompin' 'round in green waters with greener boots, tiny lil' moss boy runnin' in them dirty waters. "Archer, got'dammit," he'd try'n hold my hand but I was one uh the quickest boys around, them gator stretches ain't held nothin' 'gainst me but my grandpa's yellin'. They say on days for the dead everythin' is slower, quieter; I guess I ain't get that memo. My grandpa was always slow and I was always the quickest hothands, takin' off like I was some sorta independant and my pa would'a laughed at it- pipe in his hand, cigarette stains in everythin' 'round.

I don't remember much uh my parents. For the longest it's been just my grandpa and I, but my pa was a sweet man, my ma's a sweeter lady- they was all the lovin' type. Parents'd kiss on my forehead through goodnights, my pa sittin' on the edge uh my bed hollerin' 'bout how he wrestled a gator, and I'd believe it all. Bet on if I could do it better and he'd just laugh it off, sayin' one day I would. Never quiet raised a warrior outta me, never got the chance, but I'd like ta go on thinkin' they'd be happy with how I turned out. Ain't worth my weight in gold or nothin' but at least I ain't kicked it quiet yet- that's good fer now. 

It's hard ta tell, I ain't never understood much. The day my ma came back, my pa was tellin' me to go with my grandpa, and I never really been told what took 'em - my ma and my pa. Two different days or the same day or somethin', I ain't ever known, my grandpa ain't too keen on tellin' me. I done grew up with him too, past twelve years livin' out past where those gross waters been left -- we moved to the small city. A ponder type'a place, and he tried lovin' me, with all his own.

I try'n love back.

It's all I've ever really been for.  

He taught me what livin' was- what it was for and all. A small house, walls touchin' with the house next-ta it, our lil' livin' conjoined with a whole streets worth. I've always been one uh the good ones, always tried my best at least, we lived on the broker side'a the district so we was all good people. All a'them got that broken soul smell -- somethin' that comes with uh cracked pride, doin' dirty money and jobs. I grew up with it on my hands and all, I always've been too much for smilin' I'm guessin'. Never gave it up, cheeky smiles and too-big'a laughin'. 

Life's too short to go without it all. 

An' I was always too loud for my small city street. Buncha fishers and farm-hands; somethin' 'bout those weaker things is that they always go with a heavy current. I ain't cut out for sadness -- too much of it, scribbled notes to a bleedin' heart. Try my hardest n' make the sad man fiddle a happier tune, usually ends up with my eye blackened and my grandpa yellin' at me with my first name and all- that tune uh "got'dammit Archer," sworn like messy edges in his worn out hat. 

Grandpa took up smokin' after a while, breakin' his back over fishin' alone -- he'd get tired of me on off days. Exhalin' nothin' but carbon, swearin' my pa's name under his breath, "got'damn, som'time I wonda how you made it at'all." He'd shake his ole head and I'd laugh it off 'till he smiled back. Onna those days he made me take up fishin' - I ain't complain' any, told him I had free hands and even freer mornin's - took me out past the city back to some uh those ole green waters and I swear I could feel my ma smilin' at me. Not in a good ole holy sense, just a tingle on the back uh my neck. Somethin' that ain't make me feel like runnin' -- somethin' that got me feelin' like it's worth it. 

And that's what makes life worth livin', huh.