Lila Crayon//d2//fin
Feb 24, 2017 1:38:35 GMT -5
Post by Sleepy Fluttershy on Feb 24, 2017 1:38:35 GMT -5
Name: Lilac Crayon
Age: 17
Gender: female
District: district 2
Career
I want to be a bitch...
My fists sink into a sparring dummy, cold and tough. The life is an Arena. Survival of the fittest rules the world. And I am a newborn sparrow among the tigers. If I don't spread my wings, they will be torn off and destroyed by the flames of others' hubris, jealousy and ignorance.
I want to be a carnivore...
The sparrow's wings can grow one day and that is when it becomes a hawk. I became one too when I began to succeed in training. A Career who only creates a wall of fear and rage around herself is what I must be. I must swallow the smaller sparrows to feed the hawk inside me as it grows.
I want to be invincible...
But there are always bigger hawks around. Those who don’t bother to look at the sky above them learn the hard way and become the prey. I have been taught to never be afraid, but avoiding competition with stronger opponents is a skill everyone needs to master.
I used to be a darling...
When I was just born, I would only smile at people. What did I know about life then? Nothing. And I was a sweet little nothing. I was happy about nothing. I was ready to put my trust in anyone for nothing, love the world for nothing. And I was not alone . My mother would brush the brown long hair running down her back every day in the morning and sing me songs about nothing in particular or flood the room with her laughter for no reason. Nothing was my everything as long as we both believed in it.
I used to be the prey...
My mother died and with her my faith in nothing faded. Power, money and violence didn’t replace it. I don’t like them. But the spot where my spirit lived is empty. I locked all the tears and suffering in the farthest corners of my soul to never let them fill that hole in the thirteen year old heart.
I used to be vulnerable...
I used to cry, but it wouldn’t bring mom back. It only made my brother laugh, because unlike me, he knew already that nothing could be changed. I used to come to the Training Center and put on a brave face. I used to bite my fists to stop myself from shouting.
I am stuck...
One day is like another. Pretending has become my life now. I lie to everyone and drown myself in false friends and parties. I blackmail my brother when he cheats on his girlfriend. I spar and make other Careers bleed, strike them down like the dummies.
I am stuck in between...
The memory of mom is on one side, the cruel world is on the other. The only friend I can consider as close to real as it could ever get is Eren Crockett. But I know she would betray me without hesitation if it were for her own benefit. She is the only one who doesn't believe that my mother passing away is a minor problem. But she gives me nosebleeds and bruises every day in the training center like she does it to everyone else there. She is not cruel. But she is selfish and never tells the truth if it can get her into trouble. There are hundreds of people like her and my brother in here. I must become like them to live and at the same time I can't completely push a human out of myself.
And there is no escape...
Every day I look in the mirror and see the brown long hair flowing down, just like my mother’s. I want to sing and laugh, but the wish remains trapped inside me. Blue eyes and a long straight nose, just like hers, don’t let me forget. But I cannot endure this without her and I am being drained from the inside.
One of my eyebrows is higher than the other one, just like mom’s. But I use it to put on an arrogant face, not a mischievous one, like she did. I am losing the nothing in me and spend more time with my gang which includes Eren and a few other Career guys and girls.They are fun, crazy and careless, and though I miss my past, I feel like going crazy too. I am sinking in madness, loud nights and fights.
You can’t help...
I will become a hawk eventually. Nothing can be done to stop me from turning into a predator.
And I am not sure if I want to be stopped.
Age: 17
Gender: female
District: district 2
Career
I want to be a bitch...
My fists sink into a sparring dummy, cold and tough. The life is an Arena. Survival of the fittest rules the world. And I am a newborn sparrow among the tigers. If I don't spread my wings, they will be torn off and destroyed by the flames of others' hubris, jealousy and ignorance.
I want to be a carnivore...
The sparrow's wings can grow one day and that is when it becomes a hawk. I became one too when I began to succeed in training. A Career who only creates a wall of fear and rage around herself is what I must be. I must swallow the smaller sparrows to feed the hawk inside me as it grows.
I want to be invincible...
But there are always bigger hawks around. Those who don’t bother to look at the sky above them learn the hard way and become the prey. I have been taught to never be afraid, but avoiding competition with stronger opponents is a skill everyone needs to master.
I used to be a darling...
When I was just born, I would only smile at people. What did I know about life then? Nothing. And I was a sweet little nothing. I was happy about nothing. I was ready to put my trust in anyone for nothing, love the world for nothing. And I was not alone . My mother would brush the brown long hair running down her back every day in the morning and sing me songs about nothing in particular or flood the room with her laughter for no reason. Nothing was my everything as long as we both believed in it.
I used to be the prey...
My mother died and with her my faith in nothing faded. Power, money and violence didn’t replace it. I don’t like them. But the spot where my spirit lived is empty. I locked all the tears and suffering in the farthest corners of my soul to never let them fill that hole in the thirteen year old heart.
I used to be vulnerable...
I used to cry, but it wouldn’t bring mom back. It only made my brother laugh, because unlike me, he knew already that nothing could be changed. I used to come to the Training Center and put on a brave face. I used to bite my fists to stop myself from shouting.
I am stuck...
One day is like another. Pretending has become my life now. I lie to everyone and drown myself in false friends and parties. I blackmail my brother when he cheats on his girlfriend. I spar and make other Careers bleed, strike them down like the dummies.
I am stuck in between...
The memory of mom is on one side, the cruel world is on the other. The only friend I can consider as close to real as it could ever get is Eren Crockett. But I know she would betray me without hesitation if it were for her own benefit. She is the only one who doesn't believe that my mother passing away is a minor problem. But she gives me nosebleeds and bruises every day in the training center like she does it to everyone else there. She is not cruel. But she is selfish and never tells the truth if it can get her into trouble. There are hundreds of people like her and my brother in here. I must become like them to live and at the same time I can't completely push a human out of myself.
And there is no escape...
Every day I look in the mirror and see the brown long hair flowing down, just like my mother’s. I want to sing and laugh, but the wish remains trapped inside me. Blue eyes and a long straight nose, just like hers, don’t let me forget. But I cannot endure this without her and I am being drained from the inside.
One of my eyebrows is higher than the other one, just like mom’s. But I use it to put on an arrogant face, not a mischievous one, like she did. I am losing the nothing in me and spend more time with my gang which includes Eren and a few other Career guys and girls.They are fun, crazy and careless, and though I miss my past, I feel like going crazy too. I am sinking in madness, loud nights and fights.
You can’t help...
I will become a hawk eventually. Nothing can be done to stop me from turning into a predator.
And I am not sure if I want to be stopped.
