L-lo-lost... I'm Lost {Blizzard Oneshot}

As soon as I saw the boy hit the ground, unmoving, I knew what had happened. Chaos had killed someone. I didn’t want to think that it was actually true. Before the Games had begun, it was like my mind was under the impression that Chaos or Lightning would come home without blood on their hands, even though now I surely know that isn’t true. Whether or not my dear sister returns, she will be considered a killer until the day she dies. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what she could possibly be feeling in the moment that it all happened. The poor boy’s skull was crushed at her hands, and then she kept on fighting. I began to wonder how hard it was for her to continue.

When it happened on the screen, I was frozen. Unmoving due to the terror and shock that I felt, I stared at the screen for a few moments more before tearing out of the room in a mess of tears. I knew I should have kept watching, just to make sure Chaos and Lightning would be safe to the end of the fight, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it after what I just witnessed. Rushing to what felt like the safety of my bedroom, I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. I didn’t want any visitors with how I was feeling. I knew I just needed to be alone if I was going to cope with what I had just witnessed. Knowing that the happenings of the Games were broadcast to all of Panem certainly didn’t help reassure me that people wouldn’t see Chaos as a bad person. Even if I knew in my heart that she meant well, I just couldn’t bear to think of what other people thought of her now.

I’m still unsure of how long I spent in my room before I fell asleep from exhaustion. I had tired myself out from sobbing for so long, to the point that I eventually just ended up sleeping, my breaths heavy from it all. When I was asleep, however, it wasn’t all peaceful. I had nightmares. In my nightmares, I saw Chaos and Lightning. This time, however, they weren’t fighting side-by-side. They were fighting each other. Not too long after the terror began, I shot up in my bed, sweating from fear. I couldn’t get myself to think of what would happen if that situation actually arose. I’d already seen Chaos kill, but I knew she wouldn’t kill Lightning. That was at least reassuring. What I wondered, though, was what would happen if they were forced to kill one another. I did my best to shake this thought from my head as quickly as possible.

Changing what I was thinking of was darn near impossible, though. All I could think about know was how Chaos and Lightning must be feeling in the arena. Did they regret volunteering now? Did they wish they were home? I certainly wished they were home. I wanted to be wrapped in their loving arms and cry on their shoulders, telling them how much I missed them. I wanted our family to be back together, but I knew that that wasn’t going to be possible. Chaos had told me that Lightning was coming home, and I knew I had to believe her. I would at least see my older brother again. I had to trust that. Lightning would be coming home. After all, Chaos had never broken a promise to me before.

is home really home anymore?