Broken [Harbinger one-shot]

Most of my morning has been spent pacing through the halls of the district eleven floor waiting for the screens to air the hunger games. I said goodbye to Tamron last night, and I can only hope that he listened to what I had to say, and I hope that he took my advice. It still feels like a waiting game. My heart races inside my chest, and every second I'm turning towards the screen hoping it'll start. I didn't want him to do this because I don't want to bury another family member. Crusader was reaped and nobody saved him. I was reaped and nobody saved me. Weaver was reaped and nobody saved him. Tamron wasn't reaped, he chose to do this, and I still don't understand why. I still can't wrap my mind around the ideas of what's been happening. Lately President Snow has left us alone, but it came with a price. It almost ruined my relationship with my beautiful wife Navya, and now Kate is gone nowhere to be found.

I'm amazed the carpet on the floor hasn't worn down with as much as I'm moving. I'm surprised there isn't a path from the steps I've taken. Every step draws another closer. Every breath is hard. I'm worried about Navya at home, about Vera. I don't want anything to happen to them. Navya is in need, and I'm so far away from home right now. I'm worried about Tamron. I saw how fast they slaughtered Weaver, and I'm terrified it'll all happen to him. I can't watch it again. I can't watch another brother die, and I'm probably going to end up being forced to, but it all leaves me wondering. Why should I try to help anymore? What's the point in trying to protect my family when all they do is throw it away? It just doesn't matter.

I wish I could make sense of it all, and Kate isn't here to help me anymore. She was there when Weaver died. Kirito was too, and now I need them. I need their help, but I don't know where to find them. Kirito swore he'd bring one home even if it killed him, and while I want to believe him, I know the odds of it. So many more tributes volunteered, I think the number is fifty-two, but I'm not truly sure. How can I focus on how many tributes there are when my brother is one of them? I talked to him. I gave him what he'd need to survive. I told him that he should focus on staying alive, that all he needed was the simple necessities, and that everything else would come. Nobody wanted me to live. Nobody wanted me to survive, but I did. I lived through it. I just hope Tamron can too.

I stop for a min, my eyes locking on the screen of the tv. I've sat here many nights watching past games trying to decide where I went wrong in the training. But I can't sit still long enough. I just want the screen to turn to life so I can see Tamron. I have to watch him, I need to know that he's okay. I need to get a phone or something and call Navya. I have to hear her voice. I need them all, and they need me. What kind of man am I? Why would I leave them? I wish I didn't have to do this every single year, but I have no option. It came with winning. I sigh as I turn around trying to sit down, but instead I'm on my feet, and I continue pacing back and forth waiting for the games to begin, and maybe waiting for a friend to show.