home beyond the sky {cato}

home beyond the sky {cato} Feb 24, 2017 19:08:12 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Feb 24, 2017 19:08:12 GMT -5

I ' M F A L L I N G A P A R T

KRAYGON TRUUS

LEAVE ME HERE FOREVER IN THE DARK.

Somewhere in another world life is perfect, but in this world it's far from perfect.

A shaky hand runs across the soft fur of the cow I care for. Making sure Cowie has the food and water is the only part of the day I care about anymore. Cleaning up after her, making sure she has the straw to rest on. Evelyn does good at taking care of the other animals, and as long as I'm outside with her, then nothing matters. Alone time is important, and now I need it more than ever. Silent tears leak from my eyes dripping from my cheeks. Cowie's gaze meets mine, and I find myself collapsing into a pool of the unknown. I don't know what I would do if she ever died, and it's a thought I don't want to think of, I can't think of it.

What's the point of trying when dreams mean nothing anymore? Life doesn't make sense, but I'm supposed to wake up every morning and go through the motions of living. Smiling is too hard, laughing doesn't come naturally anymore. It's just a giant mistake trapped in the midst of the unknown. Two graves filled with two people I loved and cared for. Nothing will bring them back, not even the flowers Alwyn puts on the graves every week. Yeah, I understand what he's doing, but it's stupid. They're dead, and the dead can't appreciate what's been given to them anymore. Esme and Bailey are the ghosts that haunt my every moment. From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep all I can see is them floating through the house laughing and smiling and having a good time. How can the dead have a better time than me?

How can I care for them when I don't even care for myself anymore? I'm so tired of living, breathing, and yet I keep going through the motions of the unknown. Electrical currents keep me alive despite the many times I've willed myself to stop breathing. Dying is something I want, but I'm still here living in district ten trying to survive. The loss of the unknown is far from over. The pain, the many times I've cried myself to sleep.

The scars remain etched deep into my back. All the muscle mass I lost during the dark hours of the ragged cell in the detention center still hasn't returned, but maybe it's from lying in bed all hours of the day instead of doing anything. An empty stomach doesn't even growl anymore. Sometimes I can feel myself shriveling into nothing, but other times it's just the normal. My family doesn't have much, and I'm not important anyway.

But the one thing that keeps me from completely shutting down is the promise of caring for Esme's cow.

If it wasn't for that, I would have joined her in the sky. Singing and dancing with all the farm animals in the world. Walking beside them, petting the ones I've never seen before. It's the life that's needed. A life that I want. I can't get that in district ten. It's a hopeless place surrounded by people who pretend to care. I couldn't even celebrate a new victor coming home. It wasn't my family, so it doesn't matter. It never will because while they're breathing two precious souls and many more have stopped. They've ceased to exist, and it almost feels like that's what the world wants.

"We'll be okay, girl, we'll be okay."

I'll be okay.

table by elegant

591 words

home beyond the sky {cato} Feb 24, 2017 19:37:27 GMT -5

Post by Noah Vau - D2 (Cato) on Feb 24, 2017 19:37:27 GMT -5

[googlefont="Geo:400"]

Aaron Truus

It's about feeding the animals and keeping us all alive. The animals offer us food, and at the same time they give me something to do. Ever since losing my sister, life hasn't been easy. Been trying to make the best of it, but I'm not sure if it's possible anymore. Just one step after another. Can't get a break, so the best thing I can do is distract myself. Sometimes I like getting dirty. Sometimes I want to be clean, but today it doesn't really matter. Don't have any plans for the evening so why not get dirty while taking care of the animals? I look over at Evelyn and notice that she wants to help, she always wants to help, and I admire her for that. Just because she's different and sees the world differently that I do doesn't mean she's useless, and if I ever hear anyone saying she's useless, they'll have to deal with me.

I'm not about to let someone talk down to my family. It's wrong. It's stupid. My family means the world to me. I tell her to go on out, and I'll be out there soon. Whether or not she does isn't up to me. I just want some alone time. Some peace and quiet before I get to work. It's the same thing every day. Wake up, feed the animals, water the animals, clean out the stables, and find time to eat. It's not enough food, but with my family around it's good enough. Sometimes a chicken lays some eggs. While most are turned in, we can keep a few. At least that's what I do. Trying to make sure my family is taken care of.

Throwing on my old shoes, and my old jeans, I go outside. The first thing I notice is the stables are already open. That's a good sign because maybe Kraygon or Turian or Cobalt are outside working. I don't expect much of them, but they know what to do if they want to make an impression. I look at the sun high in the sky, and it's deceiving. It's slightly chilly out, but that's expected this time of year. The grass crunches as I walk around, and I know we need rain. Sometimes a drought makes it hard to do anything, but it's nothing compared to the drought we had years ago.

As I move through the stable doors, I see Kraygon with Cowie, and Evelyn is feeding other animals. I stop for a moment unsure of what to do listening as Kraygon speaks to the cow. Sometimes I feel like he takes the deaths harder than any of us. He disappeared and came home bloody and battered, and now he's a changed man. I don't know what happened while he was gone, but I thought he was dead. I'm glad he's alive though. I nod at Evelyn telling her to keep going, and all I can do is stand there listening to the words. They are true because we will all be okay. I'll make sure of it. "We'll all be okay, Kraygon. All of us. We'll be okay." I sigh.