would it matter {arrows}

Knuckles
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would it matter {arrows} Jun 10, 2017 14:15:00 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 10, 2017 14:15:00 GMT -5

Ikaia Miristioma
Twenty-Two | Male | District Eleven

i know i'm a mess and i wanna be someone
someone that i like better
i can never forget
so don't remind me of it forever

When the wind blows, the world feels at ease, and perhaps that's why I'm standing here today glaring through the walls of the justice building while my brother stands on the stage hopefully turning people in his direction. He talks of hope, and all that matters is building our family to what it was before he was reaped for the games. So much has happened, and so much has changed, and yet I'm still running around trying to mend a broken relationship. Even with Jr and Ekain nothing makes sense anymore.

It surprises me that my trail hasn't etched itself into the carpet and rugs running along the floor. In each direction a new picture frames the wall. Names of tributes who've died. Rooms where I've stood in saying my last goodbye. I remember the scared sixteen year old I was when Kirito hid behind a door as the peacekeepers drug me away - I never thought I would see him again, and when he won, I remember him standing here, the speeches, the welcome homes. All of it, and yet it still feels like a dream. A broken reality crashed down around me like none other. Through thick and thin, he's my twin, my brother, the man who understands me more than anyone else; however, it has been a while.

To this very day, I still don't know where I went wrong. As he rose to fame, I fell behind, and at least for me, I thought he left me, but now, several years later, I know it's not true. He tried getting me to come home, to move into the victor's village with him, to live there. Not once would I have to work. Not once would I have to leave the house because of the money he won. But that's not my life. I work hard every single day. I grew up working trying to bring in money. Trying to help out the family, and it all just went away.

Once his speech ends, my hands begin shaking at my side. Sweat rolls from my brow, my heart feels like it's going to fly out of my chest. Talking isn't easy - it's never been, but for whatever reason talking to him makes me nervous. What can I say to him? Sorry for all the years? No that wouldn't work. You're right, I'm wrong. What good would that do? I support him in his every decision. I only want what's best for him. It's all I've ever wanted in my life. I'm older than him by just a couple minutes, yet I've been acting like a baby. A toddler.

A genuine smile twists across my face slowly spreading from ear to ear the moment I see him. I have so much I want to say before he walks away forever, but my gaze drops to the ground momentarily. I made many mistakes, and perhaps this is a chance to make it right because it feels like it's truly now or never.

"Kirito," His name slides from the tip of my tongue as I walk over towards him trying to figure out what to say. A heavy sigh leaves my chest as my gaze lifts from the ground, "I just want you to know that I support you in every way possible."

It's not much, but maybe it's a start The question is - would it matter?

[googlefont="Julee:400"]

lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

Arrows
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would it matter {arrows} Jun 13, 2017 15:36:50 GMT -5

Post by Arrows on Jun 13, 2017 15:36:50 GMT -5

Kirito Miristioma

District Eleven

Its as though centuries pass while my words fill the screens and the speakers of Eleven. How many times have I stood here before speaking my condolences or introducing the newest victor? I've spent eons on this stage. I've memorized its cracks and its weak points, I've even put to memory every spot a tear spilled from the eyes of child soon to die. Carrita turns away and vanishes into the crowd during the cheers following the conclusion of my speech. Yes I know I failed you, I'm trying to do better.

My steps seem weak while I wander back across this familiar wasteland of wood. From above the sunshine stings harshly against my skin while the sweat slips down the sides of my face. I'm back beneath the endless strands of power lines. Buzzards berate my lonely steps from the sky while I walk past Rhyme's body. A younger me still sobs while she rests within his lap. Don't worry Kirito their abandonment won't leave you alone forever like you think. Nat Krigel gives me a sideways stare at such a thought. It's true Nat, I'm not alone anymore. But it is true I still can't go near water without thinking of you. Shade welcomes me with with its cooling arms curling over my skin slowly.

Inside the Justice Building Eleven's poor excuse for air conditioning slowly tries to stop the sweat dripping from my hairline. To my right the same phantom faces eternally stare down from their hallway, Drake Harvest even looks away just as Carrita had done. Iain says nothing at all just stares, he rarely reaches out to me any longer. My eyes fall to the floor, this was why I was fighting. If I can change this District and make it healthier than the children will be stronger. They won't have to be torn apart in front of my eyes every year while Harbinger and I sit screaming at the scream for a miracle we know won't occur.

I almost freeze when I think of the two new frames to be added.

Tamron. Salome. I'm so sorry. I always am.

I enter my office in search of a place of privacy, a place where I can control my racing chest. The visions are growing stronger and I know I need a moment to just breathe, a moment to remember the grim truth. They're all dead.

My palms press against my eyes while I sit in a seat for a second in sweet silence. The memories and dreams begin to drain away into the dark when I suddenly break my trance to see Ikaia standing near me. He looks the same as always, a stronger scruffier version of myself. A man. My eyes fall from his for a mere moment while a lightly smile. "I know Ik, you never have to say it. You've supported me from the start. I just want you to let me return the favor sometimes, what else would brothers be for?" A momentary pause holds as if silence for the loss of whatever awkwardness we created was being held. "I don't want to raise my kids without them knowing you Ik, and I want to know your kids too. We've got our whole lives to live together, that's saying something. Let's not waste it living in yesterday."

Calmly I pull him into my arms for the first time in years. I feel safe again, it feels like I'm hugging him for the first time since I came out of the arena. I realize if I'm going to be Mayor and a leader for these people I have to prove that family is the most important part of who we are.

Graphic by the Breathtakingly Talented Stare

Knuckles
Librarian

4,984 POSTS
Pronouns: he/him
last seen Nov 22, 2024 18:00:46 GMT -5

probably flailing over something

would it matter {arrows} Jun 14, 2017 0:00:55 GMT -5

Post by Knuckles on Jun 14, 2017 0:00:55 GMT -5

Ikaia Miristioma
Twenty-Two | Male | District Eleven

i know i'm a mess and i wanna be someone
someone that i like better
i can never forget
so don't remind me of it forever

Mistakes lead to learning processes, and one thing I have learned from past mistakes is the love I will always have for my family. It's not easy sometimes, but nobody said it would be easy. Sometimes to find light a person must walk through the shadow of death and darkness, and it's such a lonely place. Darkness hides the light, but at the end of every tunnel shines a light so bright it brings a welcoming sight. The last six years have been a challenge. It's been a path traveled through darkness, and yet somehow I'm still alive to think about it. I can talk about it to those I chose to share my journey with. Not many will understand, but it's not my place to judge them. It's not my place to tell them what I feel is right and wrong, but until someone walks a mile in my shoes, I refuse to let them dictate how I live.

And that's why I'm here now.

One mistake lead to another until it slowly tore apart my life, my friends, my family. Kirito is my twin, and he will always be my twin even when one of us are six feet under the ground. I have to talk to him. To settle this once and for all, but part of me is worried he'll turn me away like many people have done before.

I'm just a man trying to live a life while trying to raise two boys of my own. They take so much time, and I can't imagine living my life without them. I can't imagine trying to live alone in the lonely shack of a house I call my home. So many memories linger inside the rotten walls, and I could escape, live a life of luxury in the victor's village, but it's not the same. But perhaps, during winter, it can serve as a safe haven. A place to live without worry of freezing to death.

And maybe make new memories.

Perhaps it'll over a blank slate. A chance to start over because that's what I need.

A heavy sigh exits my chest, as Kirito talks. And for the first time I don't feel a shamed. I don't feel terrible. I don't feel like running away. Yeah, he won the games, but I'm not him, and anyone who thinks I'm just a man trying to portray something I'm not can just go away. And I've never known how to accept anything in return. It's always giving instead of receiving. It's always offering myself up as a sacrifice for others. Giving to the less fortunate people means a lot to me, but I'm just like they are. A man trying to survive on my own.

And he wants to know my boys, and he wants me to know his children, and I couldn't agree more. I want to know them, to hold them, to look them in the eye and share stories of how brave their father is -

He's much braver than I will ever be.

And then he pulls me into his arms, and I can't help the tears that pool in the corner of my eyes threatening to fall down the side of my face as I wrap my arms around him. A spark that I was missing seems to come back inside, and I can't control the grin twisting across my face. I've missed this so much more than anyone can ever imagine. Twins are bound for life by a bond many won't understand. It's a bond that runs deeper than blood. We've shared everything, but one thing I haven't shared is the traumatic events he lives year to year, and I don't know how to help, but maybe hanging around, helping his children, helping Ma, helping his family out because his family is my family.

But what can I say to him?

For a moment silence devours me. It tears apart my soul trying to weave its way through the chains I have fought so hard to break. Right now I have to put my pride away tuck it back in the depths of my mind forever.

"Brothers are there for one another. They always lift each other up when one is down." My voice cracks as I try to speak the words lingering on my mind. "And I want Junior and Ekain to know you. I want to know your kids. I want to be in their lives."

I carefully pull myself away, and I raise my hands to wipe a tear away. It's one thing living now, but it's another knowing that me and him have our lives. We can live. We have a future ahead of us. Many aren't as lucky.

"I want to help." I take a deep breath unsure of where this is going; "And I want you to help me."

I just hope I'm not reminded my of mistakes forever.

[googlefont="Julee:400"]

Last Edit: Jun 14, 2017 13:25:47 GMT -5 by Knuckles

lest we forget [the characters]

credit to Zoe

Arrows
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would it matter {arrows} Jun 21, 2017 12:50:43 GMT -5

Post by Arrows on Jun 21, 2017 12:50:43 GMT -5

Kirito Miristioma

District Eleven

Scarlet spills sickeningly against the floor beneath me. Swirls seep and stain while the red rivers rush from my wounds. Another day another knife, another knife another cut into my hidden soul. This is the part of surviving no one ever tells you about. On television the fabricated facade faces the world with no dents or deviations, pure perfection applies to those whose hands have harnessed the ethereal power of pausing pulses. But underneath they are beaten and still bleeding, underneath their souls are still being strangled by the shadows of their sins, underneath they are nothing more than hurting. Victors are not Gods and Goddess, but demons shackled to service in the world of the damned. Everyday we keep on living our lives keep on spilling our blood. We will never know peace.

Why keep on living then? Why not end it all with a few select choices resulting in annihilation? The answer is sorrowfully simply, you know that at some point there is going to be another one just like you. Every year another soul sentenced to eternal servitude, every year another silently bleeding body. After a while, we all start to share the same scarlet streams. But is helping those that come after the only answer though? Of course not. Another aspect is family and the people who you touched or tortured when you won your war. Fights might be the center circle of your family but still you can't leave them when the only reason their still alive is you. Then maybe you find love and forge a family of your own from the fires of your passion, another reason to live. You keep living because although you're bleeding your conquest has made you realize something, you still get to live.

There isn't a handbook though, no instructions about how to pick up the shattered shards of life when you've stolen others. You cry, you scream, you bleed, you became stiff and silent. One way or another you cope, its different for everyone. I coped, at least I tried. I drowned in the demonic darkness of the disaster known as my mind for years while Katelyn kept me at bay. Some days my head slipped under the sea's surface and some days it still does, but I've become a stronger swimmer. Even though the tides tear away at my sanity stealing the safety of my own thoughts, I've learned to live with it, to fight it. I'm a Father now, two children's lives will burn in the shadow of my steps. I have to prove to them I'm not the monster they will discover in the depths of my Games. I'm Kirito not Kiri.

I step back from our embrace with my final thought still shimmering and stalling at the center of my focus. I'm Kirito, that's why I'm here, why I'm still trying to pursue a life of better living for those who live around me. Kirito is caring and compassionate, although his shy nature has been sentenced to death by cameras, in person he is still reserved. He is a man who wants to watch children grow up with both parents by their side, a man who wants to know there is more to District Eleven then poverty and death. He is me. And I choose to live, and to fight for others to live too.

All anything in life takes to begin to heal is the removal of the device dealing damage. A confession said in clear clarity from my second half assures me there is still a shore for us to sail to again, a shore known as brotherhood, as twinhood. A smile slips across my cheeks as I lean against the desk behind me. If only everything could have always been this easy, but murder does complicate things after all.

"Then we'll work together."

My words are short but sincere, in order to heal this district we must first heal ourselves.

Graphic by the Breathtakingly Talented Stare