porcelain {raquel/ree}
Jul 3, 2017 14:48:23 GMT -5
Post by kousei ♚ on Jul 3, 2017 14:48:23 GMT -5
I don't belong here.
I've never had the gift of talent pressed into hands through years of effort and training. I've never so much as held a sword before and the only knife that's ever rested in my iron grip is when I've been cutting carrots; I sure as hell ain't a career. Several moments of fleeting steel mark the fact that I'm not an accurate knife thrower, several sessions of tripping over my own feet have told me that sword play is not for me and after nearly impaling myself not once but twice I can safely say that I probably should not handle a spear.
I haven't spent hours being thrown onto training matts and had my other nurse bruises from wooden swords. No, instead I've dedicated my time to missing summers and winters whithering from the house of the flawless fantasy I've built upon a house of cards and angel dust. Ignored the the scars on my skin, the whithering of my lungs and the fragility of my foundation.
My hands rest against a set of throwing knives at the rack and I'm already plucking them free. "You'll never learn if you never practice." I tell myself, holding my hands steady and shutting my eyes tightly, trying to drown out the sound of the hunters and the hunted. I twirl the promise of canon fire between my trembling fingertips and try not to let the blade knick my skin. I'm not stonecold killer and I certaintly ain't no talented career. With the exception of luck -if we can count that- I'm as useless as they come. Well shit.
I roll my shoulders and click my neck; I ain't no Atticus.(breathe, aim, throw)
It sails wide and low, leaving a mere cat scratch across its thigh. "Fucks sake." Frustration has got to be evident in the way I grit my teeth and narrow my eyes. I bring my arm back again but before I can bring it forwards it slips from the shaky hands and clambers onto the ground, bouncing to the feet of the last person I needed to see. "Raquel." I say, almost tiredly. Fuck me, I need a smoke.(I just need to float up, and up, and higher)
Not that being higher than a kite would save me anyway. A boy with such a weak foundation doesn't belong in a reality dominated by titans.
An instinctive poker face still takes over all the same, I find myself grinning at my own misfortune. "Yeah, in case you didn't notice, I suck."
Honesty's the best policy, sometimes.