Basil's Destination Funeral [hot spring getaway]

"May your heavy soul know peace and may
you never again feel the thrill of fear."

What the fuck.

He stands on the edge of the hot springs, toes touching the water and Adelaide's voice still ringing in his ears. His slight figure shakes slightly, shoulders hunched forward and inwards, a hand over his eyes, trying to hide the way his tears fall so freely. His mouth tastes like blood and there's an emptiness in the pit of his stomach from not having eaten yet.

His fingers are red with her blood, so much so that he can't bear it anymore. He bends down, plunging his hands into the water. He thinks of her red hair, spread in a fan around her head in the dirt and his stomach cramps up.

Titus turns his face away, to the side. He empties his already empty stomach on the sand, stomach acid burning his throat as it comes up and out. Tears leak out of the corners of his eyes and he grimaces in disgust. Why the hell did the world taste so utterly sour without her in it? Why did it hurt so much.

He thought he'd have more time.

He's dipping his face into the cool water within the next moment, washing out his mouth with the fresh water. The acidic taste remains along with the sickly feeling of his head and stomach being empty. He knew what this felt like, had felt it so many times before when he'd been on the streets. This sadness hadn't been there.

The water ripples when he takes his face back out and Titus Seraphim considers drowning himself for the briefest of seconds. It isn't that he really wants to, there's just the option of it; lingering. Like a record on repeat in the back of his mind, the idea plays over and over, coaxing. Somebody's voice, not his own: End it, end it, end it, end it.

He's familiar with it.

That voice has lived with him for a very long time. It used to keep him awake during lonely nights in the Gang's warehouse when no one else was there. He hated being alone with it, the voice. It wasn't mean; it wasn't nice. The worst part of it was it was just neutral, just there. It was his voice, caught, jagged. Telling him all the things he hated about himself in a loud speaker in his head, in case he forgot. He never forgot.

It had made him a coward, that voice.

He thinks about Mason, in his apartment. Sometimes Mason would let him sleep on his couch on winter nights when the warehouse was way too cold for anyone. Titus thought of the soft cushions there, the duvet that Mason had for guests. It had always been so warm, so safe feeling. He never slept with his gun under his pillow when he was at Mason's.

He missed his scent.

Titus pulled his knees to his chest in front of the water, a sticky sort of pain painting his insides a subdued orange like the one found gracing the stained walls of a hospital waiting room.

He thought about what the wild witch woman with the electric eyes had said to him when she'd grabbed him only a few moments ago. It was a strange sort of blessing, something that someone would say to someone who was terminally ill. He didn't have much hope for himself either, in fact, he was pretty certain that he'd be the next one to go after Basil. So the blessing was fitting.

Or maybe it meant something else.

"...May you never again know the thrill of fear."

Was she telling him to be brave? What kind of fucked up evil thing was she? Titus couldn't figure her out, from the way she'd acted this morning to her parting words, Adelaide was a mystery. Maybe it was even a spell of some sort, an enchantment. It didn't give him any fear, it just made him feel angry. He didn't like being fucked with.

Still, the feeling of her fingers against his forehead only felt calm, safe. Like Mason. The words and touch had felt like Mason so much so that his whole self ached with want for home, for his best friend.

"I should have said something to you while I had the chance."

He should have begged Mason for forgiveness at the train station instead of just riding away, getting farther and farther, faster and faster. He hadn't remembered what family was until him.

[Titus drinks his purified water]
[Titus refills his empty canteen with purified water at the hot springs]
[Titus attempts to catch a delivery word]
4wRb_fvw1-4
[no success!]