half-light. avery/annie blitz
Sept 16, 2017 19:51:13 GMT -5
Post by ✨ zozo. on Sept 16, 2017 19:51:13 GMT -5
I wanna kiss Lysette.
There, I said it. Shit. I'm dark like the night sky and she's all the exploding stars and the sun and the moon and she's everything. all the colours of the sunrise and the sunset and I'm just--
Nothing.
She tells me that grief gets easier but doesn't quite go away. That helped, at first, but I keep waiting for this to get easier and so far it hasn't. I wanna kiss her so bad but I don't want her to look at me like that. Transparent. I don't want her to look at me for all I am and expect to see the happy mattress-jumping, stars-in-my-eyes girl I was when she met me, only to find that I'm just so sad. All the time.
Except when she's with me, the star in my eyes, I feel a little happier.
She makes me feel warm again but I know I need to be happier so I can make her happy, too. So I gotta work on myself first, I guess, going to work and seeing the joy in all those old people's faces when they get company. I like them, the old people. They seem a little more content with death than I am. Maybe it's because they're closer to it. It's all around me but not in me, not in my skin or veins or organs. Death kisses the wrinkles in their face, their creaking bones, their tired eyes. Death doesn't want to touch me just yet. Just everyone around me.
Maybe it's because my sisters are dead or I know that the rest of my siblings cut up all the dead and sell off their organs or maybe it's because I'm afraid that Lysette won't want to kiss me back. But I can't quite find joy in myself yet, so I look to my siblings and focus on their self-improvement.
"Congratulations, I guess," I say to Annie half-heartedly. Hyacinth died, someone's gotta take her place. "On the promotion."
I wanna kiss Lysette and taste life again.