Diesel Sherbrooke // D10 // FIN [CB]

I am a God.

I hold the futures of everyone around me in my hands--all it takes is a few shuffles of the deck and your concentration on your own core, a single question lacking in broadness. Flip the choices made, and there will your answers be revealed.

In my head do the names, the illustrations, the symbolism all float about, etched into my memory like the names for unrequited love onto the bark of a tree. Six categories, and I am familiarized enough with the art to recite a handful of how each playing card reflects on your life under them.

This was her living. She took me under her wing to share the craft of sharing fortunes with her, with her customers, our customers, when I tried out a reading myself in a well filled with doubts and fears. It was her way of making profit for fun, but I've taken a genuine interest in it.

I enjoy it. I believe in it. I believe in what it has to offer for everyone that inquires for the service,

but I do not believe in myself despite what it's informed me.

That's the thing, you know; I pour it all into the people who sit in front of me, across from me who need guidance to continue shaping their lives into something special, while I never was in the first place.

I ran away from the people who I thought loved me not too long ago, the ones who I was sure believed in me like I do these visitors to this elderly woman's cozy hut. This is my home now, this is my life now.

A construction of flimsy, unstable lies to cover up the truth that I am not worth it. I never have been, I never will be. I am not the man of intelligence, charisma, might, and independence that they so idealized me to be--that everyone imagined me to be.

And so, I am a God,

for Gods are the parallel to a rather pathetic display of a human being.

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