Lost Future • [Fuzzy]

Fuck, I messed up.

I’m going to get a 1.

I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I didn’t do anything.

What do the Gamemakers think of me? Have they written me off to die in the Bloodbath?

Fuck.

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m running there. I don’t want to go back to my room, or else the District escort will hassle me into explaining why I’m upset, and the Career will be even more convinced that I’m an easy kill.

Instead, I run up the stairs. I climb and climb and climb until there’s nowhere else to go, and I burst through the door with a loud bang. I run to the edge of the building and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

My chest hurts, my head hurts. When I stare down at my hands on the ledge, I can see that they’re shaking. My knees give out and I drop to the ground facing the ledge, resting my head against the concrete.

I don’t want to die.

I guess.. I thought I would survive, eventually. That I would get out of that godawful house and live on my own, somewhere my siblings couldn’t get to me. I’d get a dog. I’d work in the bookshop. I’d.. I don’t know.

The thought of a lost future makes my heart hurt.

My chest heaves with shallow breaths that aren’t strong enough to calm me down. Each rise of my chest coincides with a gasp, and through my sobs I struggle to breathe.

I wanted so much more than this.