dear diary;;

Man had never been destined to live as Saummer wasn’t destined to win. All he ever did was lose, and it was about damn time he lost himself.

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Dear Diary,

Today I lost. Heh, no shocker there. This world was never built for my success. If it was, Diorite would've still been here. I wouldn't of had to live the last six days of my life alone. If she would've stayed, I might not have even lost my life. Let's not stray from the topic at hand here, though, I lost. It was simple as day and as vibrant as the Capitol's night. It was sad to admit that to myself, really, because it had been so close to never seeing this light again. Would I want to? The constant fear of moths. The fear of losing someone.

Today I lost. But today I returned to Diorite. It was a happy thought. A good thought, one that would make the ill smile. I wonder what Martin thinks of me. Was he proud? Or was he thinking in the back of his mind that he could do better. He wouldn't settle for a lousy fourth place- Marty would be aiming for the crown. Guess that's where I'm different from my cousin. He goes for the gold. I go for the best thing I can do. It may not be crossing the finish line or holding the crown; but it's all the effort I could give. Now that I think about it, he's probably sitting on his couch at home with some wicked grin on his face. Mumbling about how "he knew that I couldn't do it" and didn't even have the balls to volunteer himself. At least I gave it a shot. He's clearly too scared to volunteer.

I hope Mom and Dad know that I care about them. That I'm sorry they had to lose their only other son this way. I had thought that I was going to be able to come home with this story that could never end, some sort of takeaway piece for me to endow upon the district. They always wanted me to make my own story and I had a theory that this was the way to do so; clearly I've been proven wrong. Now they've got a dead son and a locked away criminal. I hope they're happy. I have hopes that they don't spiral into this depression that they don't have their son anymore. It wasn't anything they could control. They have each other, and that's a treasure they should hold. If I could tell them anything before I leave them, it'd be I love them. I hope they live a happy marriage. It'd be sad to see the family I grew up to broke apart even more than it has.

...Can you tell them I love them for me? That'd be great.

Love you.
Saummerand.

PS. Can you tell Marty that he can choke on a dick? Thanks.