avon xanders; d5 [cb] ~ fin

Nine:

Tapping against glass, fiddling with my fingers.

"How are you feeling, son?"

Running a hand through my hair, nice clothes clinging to my skin and a fortunate life with unfortunate events. Ten years old and I'm holding back tears.

"I'm... I- I'm fine. D-dad."

He always knows when I'm lying.

"It's okay to feel angry, confused or upset y'know."

Biting my lip, nodding my head and sniffling because that's the only thing I know how to do.

"I miss her, Dad."

I break, and bury my head in his chest.

"I miss her too, son."

I sleep with tears staining my cheeks that night.

Ten:

My hands are curled into fists, my green eyes red and my lips into an angry sneer.

"I hate her, Dad."

He sighs. "You know I love her, right?"

"She'll never replace her, I hope you know that."

He raises an eyebrow, enticement in his lips.

"Haven't you always wanted a sister, Avon?"

I nod my head suspiciously.

"Well, she has a daughter called Maviana and when they come to live with us she'll be part of the family you'll have a sister."

A stupid boy I am, lapping up treats like some dog.

Thirteen:

"What do you want?" I ask, scowling.

"You hit Maviana, again?" He asks, losing his monotone stature and seeming more angry than anything.

"Because she's a dumb slut and a waste of space, just like her mother." His hand cracks across my cheek.

"Learn some respect!"

I sneer.

"Fuck you!"

Sixteen:

Lighter in my pocket, fire in my eyes and stardust on my fingertips.

"What's wrong with you, son?"

Nicotine and lucidity, and to think I was the lucky one.

"You brought that stupid bitch and her daughter into our house, that's what.

He hasn't laid a hand on me since thirteen.

"Why don't you want us to be happy?" He asks.

"Why are you trying to replace Mother with that whore and make that rag tag daughter my sister?"

He looks shocked.

"They'll never be family to me, never."

No words, just broken feelings and disappointment, he turns and stops at the door way.

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

Seventeen:

I'm waiting to self-destruct like the stupid prick I am.