the one who came before | finley vs zombie [day 3]

Everything is lost now, too far for me to even find. A heavy weight has been lifted but the black hole that has been left behind is never ending. Even when I close my eyes, no part of my imagination can bring them back. It has only been two days and it has just taken those two days for my allies to disappear. Just Stella to keep as company now. A rag tag pair battling through this never-ending game, I wonder who will be next…this guilt that I am carrying in my pocket, I don’t know how much longer I can bear the weight of it.

I don’t know what I am doing, dragging along the body of Vesper. Something inside hopes for a miracle, maybe the warmth from my hand will keep her around longer but I am not even strong enough to do that. One slip of my grip and I must leave her behind, just as we did with Alejandro. She is alone now but far enough from those predators. That alliance, they are dominating us. Easy pickings for success, I just hope their deed on me will be quick.

I pull the goggles over my eyes as we both walk side by side, a little silence trails behind us. I wonder what she is thinking? Does she feel the same way over their deaths as I do? So much turmoil over, the loss of two strangers, even with the limited company of our lost pair, they felt so much more to me than just allies. So many choose their allies to be meat shields or heavy mercenaries to hide behind. These three are so different, I am always drawn to the familiar. Maybe it is a phobia of change. Stepping out of the shadows and into the light, there is so much to be afraid of out there; away from the safe abode that I have built to protect me. Vesper and Stella, chose for their similarities to my sisters and Alejandro, chose as the one thing that I have loathed for a long time…

…it has all gone now though.

“They just make me so mad. Twice we’ve been up against them and we can’t even land a hit and we lose Allie and then Vesper and it’s just….it makes me so mad.” Stella eventually pipes up, I guess she is spilling whatever is filling her mind. If only I had the courage to do the same. So much tension has built up in my head, it is unbelievable that I am able to tame it in a way that I do not ever explode. Except the scars of this emotional turmoil are so apparent. Closed eyes and sealed lips, maybe that isn’t the way to go.

“They’re like immortals, Fin. What can we do against immortals? We have to find a weakness in their armor, an Achilles heel. That’s the only way we can beat them. Or pray someone gets to them first.”

A mission of revenge is all I can piece from Stella’s rants. I am not strong enough for that. I may not have accepted their loss but there is no way I can make I better. There is no way I can send their alliance into the frozen ground like they did to our friends. Someone with so many weaknesses, is no good at finding the weaknesses of others.

“People are cruel and we’ve got to accept that.” I respond, my words trailing off as I take in a breathe. All my life I have accepted the torments from my older brother and father, there is no changing it; not by my hands anyway. ” “They are either born cruel or made cruel by others. The ones we should be afraid of, are the ones who remain cruel even when they have the opportunity to change. It means they are cruel at heart and there is no stopping someone when their determination is led by the heart. “ My trailed words probably did not answer her question…

I distract myself with the delights of the meadow, a never-ending collection of treasures, even some that I cannot identify. Firstly, I am drawn to the familiar, two leaves with healing properties and a plant that will fill my gut whenever it wishes to groan for food. A purple petaled flower distracts me for one moment but I dare not pick it from its roots. Even amongst this bloodied chaos, such beauty as itself does not deserve to die.

After I build the fire for the night all I can do is watch Stella as she continues to rant. I am all ears, I wish I had some words to tackle the blaze within her. “And then Aeson threw flowers at me like some sick ass sociopath. ” I am drawn by the comment of flowers, such an obscure thing for a killer like Aeson to carry around.

"Let me look at those flowers." I shouldn’t be curious about a bouquet but at least it is a distraction. “Take them. Nothing good can come from a gift from another tribute in this place.” I take the ivory bundle from her hold, quickly identifying them as snow flowers. Why was he carrying these? This arena is strange.

“You have sisters, right? What would you tell them?”

“I don’t know what I would say.”

I look down as I speak, this thought has crossed my mind so many times, especially now that Vesper is gone. “I am not a good brother, they are strong enough to live without me.”

I huddle up with my items besides the fire, the goggles still over my eyes. So much is contained within me right now, I don’t want Stella to see my weakness. She suggests that we go to the Cornucopia and I just nod.

I am not going to be watching the show in the sky tonight, I am already continuously reminded about our loss…

---

Last night we found peace close to the ruined house and besides the burning pit, I must have salvaged three hours, maybe even four. Enough for me to sleep through the anthem anyway.

My face burns slightly on the frozen ground, I can feel the goggles on my head rubbing against my skin so I pull them down to my neck and as I open my eyes…”What is that?” Boots trudge through the snow and I push myself onto my feet, leaving behind the kindling fire.

Two figures approaching, weapons like my own, except I can’t identify them as tributes, well one is certainly not from this arena anyway.

I drag my haul to the closest one and all, but a horror is revealed. Something like this should not be standing, it already looks dead. It is draped in a similar fur coat as Stella’s but in a shade of pink.

”Who…” Through staring at its decay, it is so obvious that this is no living tribute. My own predecessor from some games before, raised from the ground. ”Helios Delacroix, you are here to kill me aren’t you?” I never thought I would be talking to the dead.

♛