the HOEdown throwdown [ happy 22nd birthday tris! ]

saddle up, bitches!
we're about to go on a wild, wild choose-your-own adventure ride.
don your best cowgirl boots,
bathe yourself in glitter,
and bring only the finest in gifts.

it's time for
tris's 22nd birthday!



alright FIRST OF ALL - what gif(t)s are you bringing tristen?

 and a photoshop tutorial
- twin

Myself, wrapped in a bow. (with clothes on)
- it's Ryan bitch


- alex


- Kay

Nothing; he’s come to expect as much from me and I would hate to disappoint him on his birthday 💕
- Darren, #1 resident bestie (questionable title -zoë)

Nothing good

- Frankel

My presence (sober and intoxicated)
-That guy who invited him to England once.

chronic procrastination
-nyte

im returning his soul from hell, fear not
-claudia

honestly a whole country to be king of because anything less he will spit on
-kari

my presence is gift enough xo
-bitch excuse u how dare u presume to ask who i am (it's lance xoxo)

a bee for his bonnet
-ele



because i know he loves reylo so much!
- emma

how did you make your way to the hoedown?


and what are you wearing?

my hair in braids, faux freckles, daisy dukes and a flannel shirt so arx and i get mixed up
-twin

Something cute, but not something too cute because thats Tris's job.
- ryan

flannel - the garb of my people - the lesbians
- alex


- Kay

All of Tristen’s lost pants
- dars, supposedly "#1" bestie (i beg to differ)


-frankel

Tristen's collar bones
- that guy who invited him to england once

the amount of times i've been swallowed whole by tristen? His esophagus
- nyte (relatable sis)

something that cost diamonds
- claudia

something gorgeous and up to tris's standards but nothing too fancy because hed be pissed if i out shined him
- kari

wearing? what's that?
- lance

nothing, as per requested
- ele

this is so extra, sorry tris it's a mystery.
- tom

my sunday best
- emma


give me your best joke/meme/reference about the south, which you crack upon entering the hoedown

yeehaw twitter is pretty damn gold *gets out my phone to show you*
- twin

Well, I do declare, Georgia peaches are mighty fine.
- ryan

idk - tris just lives on some mountain somewhere in virginia where its like basically district twelve and he bathes in milk and we are probably related
- alex

You might be a redneck if... You ever cut your grass and found a car. Wait! I got an even better one! Y'all might be rednecks if... You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
- kay

I WILL HAVE A BEE IN MY BONNET/FIDDLE ME THIS/IT SURE IS HOT HERE IN... THE SOUTH/SARAH AYNN
- darren, #1 bestie according to darren and darren only


- frankel

Okay I need to go through my folder and find my least offensive one.

Holy fuck is this true? DM me.
- (idk who tf invited you to england but this is them)

incest
- nyte

thebootydiaries.com/post/170518684237/lushrainforest-me-in-spanish-class
- cloods


-kari

i'm lazy so y'all'd've come up with some better incentive smh zoe (jk ily)
- lance (smh)

You can tell this is a HOEdown because there is Tristen
- ele


- tom

what happens when you sing a country song backwards? you get your wife back, your job back, or dog back(?) or something
- emma

and which method will you use to describe how much you love him to the other guests?


it's time for a tristen ROAST! but pls be gentle we can't have the birthday belle cry and ruin her mascara.

i'm the host so sadly i cannot roast tristen but you best believe i'mma get dars to do it for the other 364 days of the year on my behalf
- twin

Hows them milk baths? Your skin is GLISTENING HUNTY
- ryan

its honestly impossible to roast him because he is just a fucking peach.
- alex

How could I roast Tristen?! He's my favorite Leo. I mean, Capricorn? He's taught me a lot!!
- kay

Oh bitch FINALLY a question where I can showcase my talents!!! You are just the worst!! I saw a random child with claw marks on her arms the other day and I was like “omg what happened” And she was like “this crazy Virginian heard me say your address when my mom asked where I was going to sell Girl Scout cookies at next and he followed me home and watched me sleep and then he just... attacked.” This is out of hand, frankly, and I will use this as an opportunity to tell you that I have contacted an attorney and he is drawing up a third restraining order. This time the violation fee is your collar bones, so I dare you to break it. I’m through being afraid.
- dars

I want to roast Zoe for forcing me to roast Tris and not giving me an option to skip!
- frankel (@ me!!!)

His collarbones are average at best :/
- mystery man from england

he still hasnt replied to our thread
- nyte

your writing is annoyingly AMAZING fuck u
- claudia

sorry but im not trying to get a three paragraph essay about how im a disgusting rat in my dms !!!
- kari

it's ok by the time tris reads my roast i'll have three years to prepare
- lance

you're really nice all the fucking time u bottom
- ele

Lance says I'm too nice so I wont do this :sob:
- tom

I'll keep this light but *inhales very deeply* where is my BrENT post? Where is my Faline post? What happened to your Salazar? What about our Raisa/Haze ship? When will you finish Byrd? WHEN WILL WE WRITE OUR GAYS, TRISTEN? Pls it's been 84 years
- emma

it's time for the DANCING! show me a gif describing tristen on the dancefloor


- twin


- ryan


- alex


- kay

Anything white, wearing a table cloth for a shirt, and doing Gangnam Style
- darren

- frankel


(Tristen @ anyone who tries to dance with Darren)
- englishman


- nyte

- claudia


- kari

i said i'm lazy already smh
- lazylance

I am on my phone ):
- ele

i.imgur.com/VSsxuUK.gif
- tom


- emma

okay, now it's time for the speeches! let tristen know how much you love him. please, take as long as you'd like. no really - he expects a 5-page spoken-word essay.

me, already drunk on wine coolers: i love you BITCHHH! i aint ever gonna stop lovin you, BITCHhHHH!
- twin

Idk if I have time for a five page dissertation about Tris because honestly, we only JUST started talking, but I want to say how much I appreciate him for being there for me when I seriously had no fucking clue what to do with my trib. Honestly, I was so happy I got to experience my first games with him and I have come to learn that Tris is amazing and I cant wait to get to know him more.

Anyway, thanks betch, you da best.
- ryan

to my beautiful tristen, i am so thankful for our friendship since i joined the site. you took me under your wing when i first started and we talked daily and now, you have pushed me to write in such a beautiful and challenging way. i will never forget the thread with euley and stella (also because it just happened and i'm still shook as fuck), but i totally treasure your insight and your positive spirit. i love learning from you and i hope that you have an absolutely amazing day. <33
- alex

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthday! Well shoot, that was only one line, wasn't it? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- okay well I tried. I love you. I care about you. I am grateful for you. Happy birthday, sweet tris <3!
- kay

Okay NERD I really do love and appreciate you so so much!! You have been there for me through the ups and downs of my life for almost six years now, and there have been several instances where I can say I don’t know if I would have gotten through them without you. You are someone I love speaking to every day, someone who I love punching in the face when you start spouting some of that weird shit you love to spout, but someone who loves you for being yourself above all else. You are an inspiration, and for that, I am grateful for you. Just seriously though, stop attacking children. It really is a problem. Anyway, I love you more than my luggage!! Happy birthday, u power bottom, u 💕💕💕
- darren

hbd ilu have a gud day.
- frankel

I would but he'd probably leave that on read too :c love him though!
- england man

it keeps saying my response is too long i actually cant submit this help me
- nye

tris i love u, i dont need a 5 page essay cause i was gonna let u live with me, but since it isnt working out just know ily and i want us to ally again and again thanks
- cloods

honestly tris is an amazing person and im so blessed to have him as a friend. he's kind and thoughtful, even when he sends me a paragraph roast or yells at me for not paying enough attention. i particularly like when someone compliments someone else and he says thank you anyway. but for real he's an outstanding writer and i admire and look up to him. i promise ill make that graphic i owe him one day!!
- kari

a 5-page spoken-word essay (did i do it right :0)
- lance

Tristen has been one of my friends since as long as I can remember and a time without him in my life was a time without light or happiness. Nah but really, having someone as loving and kind but protective and honest as tristen in my life has always been a blessing. I love him a lot, and pretty much everything about him. I'd write more but on phone </3 love u bby, u know that though.
- ele

Tristen! You are the sweetest person ever and always are so kind and lovely to everyone! You're so upbeat about everything and such a positive person! Just bless you for being the sweetest and kindest! Your writing is gorgeous and never ceases to amaze me over and over again. Your writing just makes me flail everytime i see something new from you! Just amazing! You are a fantastic friend who always has a good outlook on everything and is always there for everyone! You're an icon! An Inspiration!
- tom

Tristen Sawyer!!! I'm not very mushy or anything, but I guESS today I can be for you. For going on 3 years now, you've been an absolutely wonderful friend, and you always support me, even when I'm being 300% garbage. I'm not eMOTIONAL or anything, but sometimes when I have the shittiest day, you somehow brighten it up with that sparkling personality of yours and make me feel better about it. I love your writing, your characters, and you kNOW I'm jealous of your aesthetic, too. Words cannot express how blessed I am to be able to call you a friend, and I cherish all of our conversations and the hours we've spent on call together, just talking about life, spilling some hot tea, or joking around. I hope our friendship continues on for many years to come. <3 Love you so much, Tris!
- emma


we're raising our glasses for a toast to tris! what are you drinking?


back to tristen again! who's been your favourite tristen tribute?


PILLARRRRRRRRRRRRRR and brooke my daughter im sorry i smashed your skull in
- twin

Euley Sarasin
- ryan

euley
- alex

Pillar Fray. <3 I can't even joke; I loved her and I miss her.
- kay

Okay so the easy answer here is Pillar, and rightfully so- the bitch had us all LIVING. But bc I wanna be #QuirkyAndDifferent, I’m gonna throw this back to the 64th, when tris and I were each reaped for the first time, and happened to be District partners. Cleo may have died too soon, but getting to share that experience with you is something I’ll always cherish.
- dars

Pillar Fray
- frankel

Eucalyptus Satin (hello, isn't it obvious???)
-englishman

i like column fray
- nyte

tie between pillar and euley
- cloods

PILLAR OMFG or Euley idk theyre all amazing?
- kari

euley but i'm biased so xoxo
- lance

euley because that bitch was badaaaaasss
- ele

Oh god Oh god! THE LIST GOES ON! Pillar Fray is one of them in all of her brilliance and grace and :nuhuhuh:, Euley Sarasin because girl was amazing and super interesting to read and made my heart ACHE, and Brooke Destin </3 I will always be a Tristen fan!
- tom

EULEY MCFUCKIN SARASIN or Brooke Destin, I'm not biased or anything
- emma


name a time when tristen made you laugh, smile, or just feel good.

every. single. time. that we talk.
- twin

EVERYTIME HE MESSAGES ME ON SLACK.
- ryan

every damn day - especially when he calls me 'alexandra'
- alex

Every. Day. You are a light in the dark, Tris. Thank you for being.
- kay

Error. Malfunction. Does not comply with software guidelines. (I’m kidding uh back in the day when he was legit upset about something he would type out a stutter to showcase just how upset he was and I laughed at him a lot for that what a loser. Also, any time someone says anything on call and tris doesn’t understand what they are saying, he goes “mhm. mhm. mhm. mhm.” Every three seconds until someone changes the subject.)
- dars

Whenever he blessed us with his presence on slack.
- frankel

When he took advantage of my intoxicated state to get COMPLIMENTS (I have receipts). Oh and that one time he literally sent me death threads so I could compliment him at ratmas. Honestly, any time I've complimented him.
- england

honestly he's just a guy you can go to to get that feeling constantly
- nyte

24/7??? wym??
- cloods

when he roasts me the moment i get on call <33 jk he always compliments me after he insults me so thats nice i guess?
- kari (LEAVE KARI ALONE! -z)

everytime i talk to him? idk he just has that effect on me
- lance

always. Tristen always makes me smile even when we're not talking at the moment.
- tom

Simple! All the time!
- ele

pretty much any time I'm crying or upset and Tristen calms me down bc he's an angel or tells me that my friends/man is trash and that I'm better (': OR when we plot together because he makes my heart hurt with his characters
- emma[/font


it's time to wrap this HOEdown up! anything else you'd like to say to our birthday belle?

hey my sweets! i hope this birthday thread has made you laugh and smile, and i hope you can see here from everyone's answers that you are truly such an amazing person and friend. i am so proud to call you my bestie. i love how you just want to look after everyone and make other people feel happy, all the time, you are just so selfless and gorgeous and SUCH a good person. i love you darling. thank you for showing everyone how to be a friend, and a damn fantastic one at that. love you, always!
- twin

Have a wonderful 22 birthday. I love you berry berry much.
- ryan

i love you
- alex

No ma'am!
- kay

The police are on their way to your house as we speak.
- darren

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRIS YOU WONDERFUL THING! I really do hope your day is smashing, 22?? Two little ducks. You’re getting old now so i’d take it easy.
- frankel

I mean, he's okay I guess. When he's not leaving me on read. Or trying to eat me or whatever.
- england man

will it send this time I DUNNO
-nyte

dab
- cloods

*opens up jaw and swallows him whole*
- kari

happy birthday tris ur alright
- lance

Ha gay
- ele

Yeehaw? for the hoedown?
- tom

get reaped 79th and ally with me thottie
- emma