Rick Jarrus [capitol/cb/done]

Age: 40

I fear others will let me down. Many times I stay at home away from people because I'm afraid they'll let me down. It's easier not having friends, and not going out to see people because then I only have to worry about myself. Staying locked away keeps me from making mistakes allowing me to live out my life in peace. I'm also more afraid of letting myself down. I make these goals that I want to finish, and sometimes I can, but most of the time I stumble along the way. It's hard to deal with. It makes me question everything leaving me wondering if I'm truly worth it to someone.

My family always told me I needed to change how I viewed the world, but I'm so caught up in the negatives, and trying to prove that I'm good at what I do, that I push people away. I don't take criticism well. It hurts more than anything in the world knowing that I failed. That I didn't do something right. Any time I'm working on a project, it has to be perfect. I don't like looking at tiny mistakes on a piece of paper. It has to look perfect even if it makes me miss my deadline. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. Even my parents tried to change it.

Don't get me wrong, I want to go out sometimes and try to make friends because I like talking to people, but I always end up going home before anything can happen. Making mistakes scare me, and I feel like I'm always carrying the weight of the world. It makes me nervous when something goes wrong. Many times I've been told I'm my own worst enemy, and I completely understand why.