The Car Crash {Carmen vs Shy; day 7}

I should have known by now
I'm still not afraid
I do it to myself

After the anthem, you cuddle with Shy again, not even waiting for an invitation. Beardy. Olive. Fiona. Wander. Quest. All gone, just you and Veggie left here, still alive. There are more people out there… 6 more people and they all want you dead… And they want him dead too...

The guy that… died today flashed through the sky too. You don’t want to think you sent him to the stars. But you know the thought of his end will haunt you. He…

“He didn’t deserve to die.” - you mutter quietly.

He wasn’t even attacking, just running away, and you…

“No one here deserves it. Not Enzo, not Faux, not me, and especially not you. But that’s the problem with these games. It doesn’t matter if we want to do any of this or not; it just matters that the districts are suppressed and the captiolites get a good show.”

His voice seems to be calming you down, at least for a while...

“I hate President snow so much and anyone who thinks these are fun.”

Shy’s words wake memories of the Capitol in your head. “SNOW SUX” on the wall and Temple’s anger. She was scared for you. She wanted… to protect you, maybe? But now she doesn’t care. You don’t know why she would after your hand slashed through her ally’s body multiple times. Because of Snow and the games and the murder she is not with you, not even in spirit. But Shy is. He hates Snow…

“We have that in common,” - you look at the stars above your heads and add:

“What did you do back at home? Work or school?”

Yep, asking a twelve-year-old about work - such a great idea. Twelve-year-olds probably don’t work in two. Why would they? It’s not eleven…

“Uh, I guess I had training and school. I hated every second of training. It was stupid, but I guess it came in handy...”

He is sounding… insecure, in a way, you can’t tell what it is but you know it is there.

“What about you?”

Avoidance. Definitely avoidance. Maybe he feels guilty for training specifically to kill you and the others…

“Training, huh? They didn’t do a very good job of spoiling you.”

You grin and answer his last question:

"I was a performer. My sister Cathy and I sing in the streets to earn money."
With a sigh, you add: "I couldn’t go to school for a long time... I still mix up letters when I write…”

Talking about your job brings the smells of rain, snow and the bakery across the street. You see Cathy right in front of your eyes for a moment, smiling, with a money cup in her hands. Your brain flashes back to Shy, but the happiness is still there, not wearing off.

“Do you like to sing?"

Was he ever allowed to do something fun? He hates training, if they managed to make him so sick of everything that he volunteered… Then probably not. You wonder what you would feel if you were made to throw daggers all day long.

"Ha! Yeah. They did a great job at it. They made me feel _SO_ great and treated me like a king."

He grins back at you.

" That sounds nice. I wish I could have done something I wanted to do. You know, if we both make it out alive, I could try to teach you how to write.”

If you make it out alive… You heart is bleeding red “SNOW SUX” down an invisible wall. Shy’s hand and yours scribbling letters and laughing… Not happening.

The question about singing makes him hesitate a little.

"I guess? I don't really sing that often."

You kick him playfully:

“You can try now! Just think about it - what if you die and don’t even find out what you like?”

You throw your curls back in a theatrical manner and start singing quietly.

“Peeeeople help the peeeeeople”

There is a shy “okay” from his side and some humming, but you kick his side once more.

“LOUDER, Veggie! You won’t enjoy it if you squeak like a mouse!”

An “Ugh, fine!” follows and he actually starts singing. His voice is horribly off key, maybe because he can’t sing or doesn’t know the song… Or both? But you join in, even louder than before and the two of you let your voices rattle happily all over the place:

“And if you’re homesick, give me your hand and I’ll hold it

Peeeeeeople help the peeeeeeople

And nothing will drag you dooown.”

The morning greets you with a realization that you don’t want these warm arms around you to grow cold. You reluctantly crawl out of the cuddle and bury your face in your knees, hugging them as hard as you can. But you can’t chase away the thought that at some point…

You get up and shake him awake.

“Come on, let’s go.”

You don’t say a single word while you walk on and on and on… Until…

The two of you are at the same place where the girl from three was laying, breathless. You look around and whisper:

“Sorry.”

You felt pain every day since she cursed you. You suffered. And you think it’s been just enough suffering for her to forgive you.

You turn around to face Shy.

"Now this is the part where you go home and I... go to my mom."

Your voice trembles a bit when you ask hesitantly:

"Will you do something for me when you go back?"

The short moment of silence before his answer is painful.

"What is it?"

You have to push the next few words out because they don’t want to leave your mouth. Deep inside, you are still just a scared child, running away.

"You'll tell my sister that I love her. With all my heart. And I want her to move on. And... Promise you'll remember me and sing for me…

But what if someone hears him sing? Uh-oh.

...When you're alone.”

You pause and look him in the eyes, trying to remember everything you hold dear.

"That's it."

Your weapon and backpack drop to the ground.

"Now go ahead. My mother's waiting."

And Fiona too. No, Fiona’s not waiting, she is cursing you for what you are going to do. She doesn’t understand what you are feeling right now. But she will have to. And if she doesn’t accept it, you’ll keep drowning her in hugs until she hugs you back…


Lyrics: Three Days Grace - “Car Crash”
Carmen's song: listen here:)

Carmen Stirling doesn’t attack.

You're a car crash
And I can't look away