a rose of understanding [carter & wander]
Dec 15, 2018 20:48:30 GMT -5
Post by Tom on Dec 15, 2018 20:48:30 GMT -5
Get out of your head
the voices don't know what is best for you
in the pouring rain
I head the devil call me out
The orange of the rose still is as bright as the moment he opened up his eyes and saw it for the first time.
The 'W' on the leaf seems to have wilted a little bit, but it's exactly the same meaning from before. Okay. It was okay to feel like he had to do what he had to do, but he can't let himself drop that pit in his stomach. Assembling his on broken memories again as he remembered the blood soaked axe that he had carried. The cry for Wander and Hellion to leave the bloodbath. The threat of his own words on his tongue that lavishes itself deep into his subconscious keeping him awake at night to remember the axe cutting into Hellion's cheek and Eve's arm creating pools of blood that haunt his every move.
Ace honks softly at him as he resides on the edge of the room, away from Wander who was having a conversation with Fiona. Another person that was in a complex group of emotions. He didn't like her. He didn't like how things went. He understood though. He understood the idea of protecting others. He understood what she was trying to do, but he wasn't right in her eyes or maybe it was his own now. Fuck he didn't know anymore. All he can see is Auto and Lars' death when he notices the blind girl's presence. Sitting through the torture of watching them die over and over and knowing they were in medical had been rough, despite knowing the capitol was going to try to make them live once more. Second chances weren't what they were getting, but torturous feelings of shame. Guilt. Hatred for one's self for doing what they had to do.
Max was still the prettiest man he's ever seen, despite the memory of a spear going into his chest to give him one last mercy in the world. All he can do is keep his thoughts quiet as he shuffles through the cards glancing to queens and kings and jacks laughing at him. The real coward had been Carter Laws, not Jack Corradi-Laws. A coward to be avoiding the real emotions that linger in his chest. A guilt of his own hands and mind being used like he was nothing more than a puppet on string. Maybe that's what the capitol had wanted. Useful group of people to use for a better show. For all they know, they could be shoved back in the arena again for another try and another bloody mess.
As soon as his eyes go back up, Wander is away from Fiona. Something about the way Carter feels his throat tighten up and his heart beat with flickers of pain in his chest. Ace, the word, who shares his nickname with him, stares politely at Wander as if recognizing it's original owner. As he approaches, Carter can only let himself stay as strong as he can. No tears. He hasn't cried since Mitchell's death and there was no use for tears in this world. Especially when death crawls on their shoulders as many of them knew what it was like. A single moment as he can feel the tension in his jaw from stressing himself over talking to Wander. Someone who Carter didn't want to hurt, but had been apart of hurting Eve on the first day. A deep breath as he stops with a blank face before he feels it turn into a frown.
"Wander.... I-I..."
Shuffling from one foot to the other, he places Ace down to the side and holds out the orange rose residing in a cup that had water that had been part of his rations when he first got the rose. A small moment where Carter feels his entire body shiver with the fear of something else. Carter Laws was born to live, but he didn't deserve to. He didn't deserve to live in a world where he feels like his heart is tearing itself apart. A world where his immaturity had taken him to the limits of murder.
"I think this belongs to you..."
A small smile as he can feel himself wanting to let out of a tear for his own mind of threatening Wander in Bloodbath.
"Thank you...."
A weak smile as he runs a hand through his hair that was unkempt and in front of his eyes.
"Hope we're still good."
We should be dead.I finally feel okay
in the pouring rain
you say 'leave from the fog
inside my head'song: rain