To Hell and Back Again {Nico/Eagle}

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kap
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goomy goomy on the brain

To Hell and Back Again {Nico/Eagle} May 13, 2019 18:37:25 GMT -5

Post by kap on May 13, 2019 18:37:25 GMT -5

[googlefont="Fredericka the Great:400"]Eagle Elsu

"How do you stay so strong?
How did you hide it all for so long?
How can I take the pain away?"

It was as if Death himself had called out for Dove at the reaping of the Seventy-Ninth Annual Hunger Games. She'd been selected out of hundreds, perhaps thousands of other girls to go fight to the death, and she was killed, only to have the one who killed her, Mackenzie Pryce, emerge victorious. Now, a similar cycle had appeared once again, this time for Raven. Raven, however, didn't need Death to call out for her. Instead, she volunteered for the Games, and for almost certain death, herself.

At first, according to Raven, she'd volunteered because she wanted to be with Dove again, meaning that she wanted to die in that arena. I told her that day, when she'd put herself forward in place of the other girl at the reaping, that she damn well better try to come home alive, and in the end, I could certainly tell she had tried. Her fate, after all of it, however, was like Dove's. She was killed in the arena, and her killer, Nico Thorne, emerged victorious.

The day I met Mackenzie Pryce, I snapped. I yelled at him and I wanted to attack him. In the time since then, however, I was mostly able to remain in control of myself, since I didn't have to see him. I'd have the occasional outburst when his face graced the television screen we were sometimes forced to watch, but I tried to keep myself calm, for the sake of my remaining siblings. They didn't need to see how much losing Dove had broken me. At least, that's how I felt until Raven was gone, too.

Now, I knew I couldn't always keep myself under control. Another killer of one of my siblings would be walking free, allowed to live their life. Not only that; they'd be bathed in riches for everything they'd done, just because they'd be living to tell the tale. When I saw Nico kill Raven on that screen before me, I yelled out, screaming and clenching my fists. It would have seemed rather childish to anyone watching as I did this in the District Square. We couldn't afford a television in our own home, after all, meaning that this rage was for all to see.

Then, when I saw Nico kill the final tribute, now being crowned victor, I knew what I had to do.

He'd laugh in my face, surely. I didn't expect an apology, but I was going to meet him, and he was going to learn what I thought of him.

The day of the victory tour was upon us, and I told Falcon and Kestrel I was going out. They didn't know what I planned on saying to Nico. They didn't know how I planned on saying it or how I planned on acting towards him in general, either. Hell, I'm not sure they even knew I was going to see Nico, but I was sure that Falcon assumed as much. I didn't expect him to come after me, though, or try to stop me. He needed to look after Kestrel, after all.

When I saw him, I clenched my fists inside my coat pockets. I was wearing the jacket I almost always wore; the same, grungy-looking, brown one that I'd gotten from my father years ago. It used to be much too large for me, but I'd started to grow into it a bit more, even if it still was a bit baggy. My hair had been combed, but only by running my fingers through it. I didn't own an actual comb. To anyone who looked at me, it was clear that I didn't have much money. That's often why I was bullied, too, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I wouldn't be surprised if Nico decided to point out to me how terrible I looked. I expected anything but sympathy from this young man.

Once I had the opportunity, I approached Nico immediately. I wasn't someone who took long to build up the courage to do things. Perhaps that's why I was often reckless. Regardless, I didn't care. I was angry, and Nico needed to hear my voice.

The question was, should I let him know how mad I was immediately and risk him just walking away, or should I reel him in with some false kindness, first?

"Nico," I said to him. It wasn't Mr. Thorne, or anything like that to me. No 'sir' or whatever. Just Nico. "I'm Eagle Elsu," I said, extending a hand. I suppose I was going with the latter of the two options; false yet convincing kindness before letting him know how I really felt.

lyrics: "Fallen Angel" by Three Days Grace

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To Hell and Back Again {Nico/Eagle} Jun 4, 2019 23:32:11 GMT -5

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Jun 4, 2019 23:32:11 GMT -5

Francis is with him every moment.

Maybe not in blood, not in the way that Nico wants, in the way that Nico knows Francis deserves to be here—standing on his own two feet, with the sun in his eyes and dancing through his hair as the winds gently play with it. But still, Nico can feel him everywhere, like little fires are burning all along the breeze and flooding Nico with unbearable warmth. He's grateful for it, the sunshine. He thinks, perhaps unfairly, that if the sun hadn't been shining today he might have felt abandoned, might have felt like Francis regretted his death, like the flowers that he had sunk into wanted to give him back and take Nico's neck instead.

But the sun is Francis, and Nico feels shone down upon.

I'll remember you, he thinks, wonders if he ever said those exact words to the boy who he had given his heart to so completely. He had meant to, that was surely true, that last morning they had together after Diana had swung her weapon straight into the back of his skull. He had tried to tell him, through his tears and his heartache, that he would remember Francis under the sun, that he would remember what he looked like when the rain kissed his cheekbones, that he would remember the sight of Francis swimming in that little lake until the end of his days.

He had tried to let him know that every time he looked at a sunflower, he would know there was a little piece of the boy from Five's soul giving the plant life.

But Nico isn't sure.

He could go back through the footage, could watch himself on that screen, but he knows that if he does that then he will see more than just Francis. He will see all of them, Myrcella and Jessica and Sev. He will see the faces of the people whose lives he stole and wishes he hadn't needed to, Jayne and Raven, and the one that he still can't bring himself to feel, the one that feels miles away. A girl with a painted face and a hollow heart that she called whole.

Raven is there, too, though her voice is quieter.

When he looks up towards the sky, he thinks about their words to each other, the cruelties and the questions. Who hurt you? he hears over and over again, and bites his tongue when he feels his own words still thick on his tongue. I did this to myself.

When the boy starts striding towards him, it doesn't take a genius for him to recognize the other, see in his face the same face that Nico saw every night before he went to bed. Hers had been dirtier, covered in blood and grime of the games, broken armour crumbling around her, but he sees her all the same. She’s all over, in the slant of his eyes and the shape of his jaw, in the hard set of his mouth and the resolution in his eyes.

Nico doesn't steel his spine, does not prepare for battle. For the first time in forever, a fight is coming and Nico is not preparing to win.

There's no winning the games.

"Nico," the other says, dispensing with the formalities that so many others have shown Nico. "I'm Eagle Elsu."

It hurts, looking at him, but Nico knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it must hurt the other more to look at the boy who killed his sister and not put a knife to his throat. Nico would certainly be the last to blame him if he did, remembers at the very end, when Raven had finally crumbled and the cannon had sounded, that he had thought in another life, in another world, they may have been friends.

The problem is that Nico has nothing to say, no words except the scripted ones that his Escort had given him. He bites his tongue, feels goosebumps rise on his flesh in anticipation, his body preparing for battle even still now, months later, though his mind knows he's safe.

"I-" he begins, but the words fall to ash in his throat. I'm surprised you want to talk to me, he had been about to say, but is he? Does Nico not want the same? To look into the eyes of the man who had killed his father and just see what kind of man he is?

He's not supposed to say it, but he does anyway.

"I'm sorry."

There is nothing else, and it's not enough, but nothing ever will be and it is all he knows to give.

Last Edit: Jun 5, 2019 8:07:12 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

kap
Retired Staff

6,017 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Apr 18, 2024 21:10:25 GMT -5

goomy goomy on the brain

To Hell and Back Again {Nico/Eagle} Jun 10, 2019 11:55:01 GMT -5

Post by kap on Jun 10, 2019 11:55:01 GMT -5

[googlefont="Fredericka the Great:400"]Eagle Elsu

"How do you stay so strong?
How did you hide it all for so long?
How can I take the pain away?"

Nico Thorne didn't take my hand when I extended it to him in greeting. Instead, he spoke words that were struggled seeming at first.

"I-" he began before his words dropped off for a moment. It was bothering me that he didn't just speak to me immediately with properly formed words, but I suppose that there's also the chance that he didn't know what to say when facing me. I wasn't intimidating, but I also was probably one of the last people he wanted to see in the moment right then. I don't care if he was killing to survive in those Games, though. He killed my sister and would face me for it.

"I'm sorry." He said this to me and I froze for a moment. It wasn't the 'I'm sorry for your loss' that I'd heard from so many people day in and day out after losing each of my two sisters who were now gone. It was a genuine 'I'm sorry' for what he'd done to Raven. It was as if he were sorry for what he'd done to my family by killing her, and for what he'd done to me. His words may have been simple and short ones, but they hit me in a way that I wasn't sure how to react to. I'd expected him to say he didn't want to talk to me, or to ask me to leave him be, but that wasn't what had ended up happening when I met Nico Thorne.

Why was he being kind?

Was it for the same reason that my words had started out kind? Were they initially intended to turn into words of distaste? When I'd first spoken to Nico, I'd planned to yell and scream at him. Now, however, I didn't know if that was the right approach. I'd been taught manners. I'd been taught to be polite. The last time those manners and polite attitude had escaped me was when I faced the victor named Mackenzie, Dove's killer. I'd yelled at him and let him know how angry I was. Should I do the same to Nico?

I couldn't stay frozen there forever after he spoke to me. I had to say something in response.

"Thank you," I said to him.

Had I just thanked my sister's killer?

Yes, I had. It wasn't for killing her, though. It was for telling me that he was sorry. He'd had enough of a heart to at least do that. Did I have enough of a heart to remain polite? I clenched and unclenched my fist before I let myself say anything more.

"I'll be honest with you," I said to him. "When I first saw you, I wanted to yell at you. I wanted to scream at you for killing Raven." I looked the young victor in the eyes.

"I don't think I could do that, now, no matter how much that feeling is still inside of me," I continued. "You don't deserve it. You were trying to survive, but you weren't disrespectful about it. You were even respectful to me, when it was probably clear that I wasn't going to be happy about what happened."

I looked at him for a moment more before I spoke again.

"This probably sounds strange," I said, my voice cracking. Tears were starting to form in my eyes. I could feel it, and I had to try to will them away from falling down my face, but I didn't quite have the strength. A single tear drop made its way down my cheek.

"I want to ask you something," I told Nico.

I looked down at my feet now, feeling awkward and embarrassed about how much my emotions had just changed from rage to sadness and now a need for answers. Then, I looked back up at him, a bit nervous and feeling somewhat strange about the conversation that was currently at hand.

Then, I asked him.

"Did Raven put up a good fight? Do you... do you think she gave it her all? She promised me she would."

I hoped that he'd give me the answer I wanted to hear- the answer that I needed to hear.

684 words
lyrics: "Fallen Angel" by Three Days Grace

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To Hell and Back Again {Nico/Eagle} Jun 14, 2019 21:38:19 GMT -5

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Jun 14, 2019 21:38:19 GMT -5

Nico doesn't even see Eagle's extended hand until it has fallen, and there's something in that fact that Nico doesn't want to realize, doesn't want to see, a kind of hopelessness that he doesn't know even the first step to processing.

It's like he doesn't know how to connect, doesn't even see the path to connection, is adrift in his grief and confusion and anger. It's like there's something fundamental about human nature that he's lost, like there are those parts of himself that died with every life he took and with the death of each and every one of them, little pieces of his humanity died, and along with them his ability to connect with and understand other people. Here stands Eagle Elsu, with no reason or need to make conversation with Nico, who Nico wouldn't be surprised to see with a blade slipped from his sleeve and pressed against the boy from Twelve's carotid. He would deserve it, wouldn't he? Hadn't Nico done the unspeakable to his sister? Did he not deserve Eagle's revenge? Deserve his anger?

Nico, after all, had clung to his own anger for dear life.

His entire life has been a patchwork quilt of angers, of moments of calm turned storm by the wolf clawing at the cage of rib bones in Nico's chest, turning him into something feral, something horrible, something that longed for anything other than what he had been given. How could he possibly fault Eagle if he held onto his own anger? If he had come here wanting to kill the boy who had killed his sister? Nico, still, even months later, was fighting to unlearn the lessons that he had been taught, fighting to be a better man, fighting to not live for revenge and live for anger, but instead to try and find the peace that Francis deserved, the peace that Francis had wanted for Nico. When he says I'm sorry, Nico expects anything other than what he gets, and he has no real idea what to do with Eagle's understanding.

He watches the other freeze after the apology, and he expects a burst of fire or an ignition of horror. Nico expects Eagle to try and kill him, to try and shove him against a wall and beat him to death the same way that Nico had killed Raven—not by weapon, not really, but rather by an outlasting of wills. He expects him to raise his fists and swing out at him, expects him to do anything but accept his apology with grace.

Maybe it's because Nico had never had an instinct for kindness, for understanding, had always been a rapid wolf nipping at the heels of every enemy he had ever made. Whatever it is that made Nico cruel, it's made Eagle calm, and that's something Nico has no idea what to do with. "Thank you," he finally says, breaking the tense silence, and Nico can feel his eyebrows furrow and his chest tighten. What did he have to be thanked for save for his guilt? For the overwhelming notion that he would never be the same? For the fact that his sisters' death had changed Nico for the rest of his life? "I'll be honest with you," he goes on, and Nico can feel his breath still coming shallow. His body is ready to fight, remembers the last time he was face to face with an Elsu and how close he came to falling. "When I first saw you, I wanted to yell at you. I wanted to scream at you for killing Raven."

I'd deserve it, Nico thinks to himself, but the other boy goes on before he gets the chance to turn his thoughts into words.

And it's like Eagle has heard his thoughts, because the exact words that Nico thinks to himself are the ones that Eagle responds to, assuring him that he isn't guilty, that he isn't at fault, that he had just been trying to survive, and for the first time, Nico thinks that he truly hears it. He'd been told the same thing time and time again, been reminded that he had just been a boy trying to make sure that his own skin made it out of the games alive. But for all that he had been told he wasn't guilty, he still remembers Lola and her words, remembers her echoing Fuck you, Nico Thorne and reminding him that he is a murderer through and through. "This probably sounds strange," the other boy goes on, and Nico watches on in abject horror as tears start to well in the other's eyes. Even now, Nico still feels his body readying itself for a fight, feel the lingering horror of the games echoing in his body at the sight of an Elsu in front of him.

"I want to ask you something," Eagle goes on, and Nico flashes back to the tail end of his fight with Raven, remembers her impossible question, and every night that it has haunted him since.

Who hurt you, Nico?

I hurt me. I did this to myself.

"Did Raven put up a good fight?" he asks after a few beats, and Nico can feels his pulse kick up another hundred notches as he thinks even further about the end of Raven Elsu. "Do you... do you think she gave it her all? She promised me she would."

Nic knows his answer without even thinking about it, knows that it's exactly what Eagle wants to hear and that it is the absolute truth all in the same breath.

"She did," he says resolutely. Nico isn't sure what else there is to say, only that he knows there needs to be something else, that he can't possibly leave it off there. "I think she probably gave the best fight of her life," he swallows thickly, not wanting to remember the details but seeing them all the same. "She was bleeding out, and still, she would have cut my arm off if it hadn't already been gone." He chuckles then, humorlessly. "Still hurt like a bitch though, that blow." He takes a breath in, and then crosses the line between them that he knows he doesn't have a right to cross, puts both his hand on both of Eagle's shoulders and crouches ever so slightly so that they are the same height. "She was fighting for you," he goes on, looking at Eagle hard in the eyes. "She blocked almost all my attacks in the end, made sure that she died on her feet."

Nico hopes it's what Eagle wants to hear, that his sister went down swinging.

He steps back, flexes his hands and then curls them into fists, his body tense and each of his nerves feeling like a live wire remembering the moments he and Raven fought for their own lives. Nico shoves his hands into the front pockets of his pants, tries to curl in on himself to protect the world from the monster in his ribs.

"I think she fulfilled her promise," he says, jaw clenched. "As best she could, she fought for you and all your siblings."

1,197.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.