won't you sing me a happy song || justice;poppy

There might have been a time, years and years ago, that I thought I could fix him. Hard-headed, arrogant, foolish, every word has accompanied my name and I've come to know just how true they are in turn. It's not that I mind being the bad guy. It's almost second nature to keep my companions on the straight and narrow now that I've been doing it for nearly a decade. Or it should have been. I'm not sure when Justice became my weakness, a selfish bit of desire locked away within these stolen moments but it's obvious that I never stood a chance. I was never going to make him better, every scar upon his skin runs deeper than I can imagine and perhaps this comfort is all I'm good for in the end.

When he talks so sweetly it's hard to keep pretending I don't know he loves me too. His touch is second nature, warm and comforting as I lean into his every motion. He holds me close, voice strained as the truth spills from in between liquor stained lips again and again. I'm sorry. (I don't believe him. He doesn't mean it.) Because then it'll hurt less when this has to end. He doesn't care about me therefore it won't matter when we part ways.

We've got an expiration date, one that's bound to be upon us soon. How pathetic we are for clinging to each other like this when we know better. There aren't words to explain how he makes me feel, there's too much all at once. A painful, desperate love that aches when we're not together. I don't need his undivided attention, his constant affection -- I just want his company. Fantasies of quiet mornings, lazily waking up beside him and having all the time in the world to just be are pointless. We are rushed, we are greedy. I'll never get to have him no matter how much I want him.

"Don't be sorry," I pick the words carefully, running a finger along his lips and reveling in the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips. Flushed and warm, perfect in every possible way. There's so much that I want to say, so much that I know I never will. We've gotta stay on the straight and narrow even when we've veered so far off the beaten path. "And don't act like it was any easier for me."

I look into his eyes and it's the biggest mistake I've ever made. He manages to break my heart into smaller and smaller pieces with every new meeting. I'm only impressed there's more of it left to break. He's holding every little bit of me hostage and I keep giving and giving although I've nothing left to offer. I'm inclined to believe he's tricking me into falling in love with him all over again whenever we meet but I can't find it in me to mind.

A smile shatters the overwhelming melancholy of our reality; a genuine smile, one that bares my teeth and spreads from ear to ear. I press my face into his chest to hide it, nuzzling into him and keeping the fabric of his shirt tight within my fists. It's not as though I've forgotten our reality but it just doesn't matter. We're past the point of no return and right now Justice Fray is completely and utterly mine. I savor it.

"I don't understand how you keep doing this to me," I'm sure he can hear my annoyance though he cannot see my scowl. The words are muffled by his shirt but there's no way in hell I'm moving any time soon. When he takes my guard down like this I'm left with few options to defend myself. "You don't even have to try anymore, you just make me into a fumbling idiot."

Of all my sins, pride has always been the most severe. "Take responsibility dammit!"

I'm still smiling.

My cheeks hurt.