jude carvalho / d2. ( fin )

🌱 kaitlin.
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last seen Apr 17, 2024 12:07:30 GMT -5

aspiring beam of light

jude carvalho / d2. ( fin ) Jul 26, 2019 18:05:26 GMT -5

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Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Jul 26, 2019 18:05:26 GMT -5

jude carvalho.
sixteen.
district 2.
career.

Last Edit: Jul 29, 2019 22:13:35 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin.
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2,682 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen Apr 17, 2024 12:07:30 GMT -5

aspiring beam of light

jude carvalho / d2. ( fin ) Jul 26, 2019 18:17:22 GMT -5

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Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Jul 26, 2019 18:17:22 GMT -5

Then the girl began to melt. Soon there was nothing left of her but a feather a bird might have dropped; a blood stain, like the trace of a fox's kill on the snow; and the rose she had pulled off the bush.

— The Snow Child, Angela Carter

Last Edit: Jul 26, 2019 18:20:02 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin.
Graphics

2,682 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen Apr 17, 2024 12:07:30 GMT -5

aspiring beam of light

jude carvalho / d2. ( fin ) Jul 26, 2019 18:18:38 GMT -5

Quote

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Jul 26, 2019 18:18:38 GMT -5

my teeth have
grown into fangs.

i am a dragon,
and i will bite.

at first, there's only fear.

it's all that i can remember, the only thing that fills all of my memories. everyone always says that our careers are flawless, that the academy raises the perfect soldiers, the perfect pawns, the perfect players. they can't say it in broad daylight though.

no one can.

there's not a soul on the whole continent who would say the name of our academy out loud, who would ever give away a trade secret like that. they whisper behind closed doors about the kids that are raised here, the abandoned and the forgotten kids who are trained from birth what it is to balance a knife on the tip of their pinky finger, the one's who get new methods to murder as birthday presents.

everyone says we are fearless.

everyone says we are machines.

i know better.

i know we aren't.

i know that anything, and everything, can and does have a weakness. i know that even we, shadows created by demons created by men, we are soft spots just like everyone else. i know that it's all about finding the one chink in the armor that can bring a nation to its knees.

i still remember the first time that i ever found that small weak spot, still remember the vicious way those two men had come at me.

they hadn't expected what they got, not really, not in any way that could have prepared them for the death that followed.

no one ever does.

✧

my eyes open, but they blink closed again after only a half-second, the white of the light bouncing around the room so stark and harsh after so long in darkness.

i stand in the middle of a very large pen, caged in by metal and force of will. headmaster stands just beyond the entrance to the pen, the door one of my teachers pushed me through some minutes ago. i don't speak much myself, never have, none of us ever do, but i understand them all the same, can hear every word that passes my headmaster's lips.

"we're honored to have you here," he says when a man and woman emerge from the shadows, bending at the waist.

that makes me afraid.

who are these people, ones who make my headmaster bend as such? who, pray tell, would he kneel to? i have spent my entire life training and training and training, in basements and dark corners, learning what it is to be confined.

watching the most cruel man i could imagine be afraid—i have never again felt so caged in my entire life.

"as you can see," he says, standing once again when the couple has waved at him and given him permission to go on. "jude here is quite close in age to your own daughter. she is the ideal candidate."

i make no motions.

the couple levels their gazes at me, and all i can do is stare back. fear courses through every single one of my veins, but i will my breathing to steady, my chest to rise and fall evenly.

"she looks god damn near petrified," the unfamiliar man says, barely masking the disgust he clearly feels. "she looks like she couldn't hurt a fucking fly."

i am made up of both anger and terror.

i think what angers me first is the notion that i am small, the notion that i am weak, the notion that the space between my fingers determines my worth, my ability, my power. he is not wrong. i am not big. i am not intimidating. i am designed to not look like a threat, to have doe eyes and a kind jaw.

but i am hollow and heartless.

i am lethal.

~~i have to be.~~

and maybe that's truly why i am angry, truly why i snarl at the stranger. maybe it;s because he's right, because he saw through me to the parts of myself that at only thirteen i thought already died long ago. maybe i am angry because looking scared means i get whipped, means i get a meal or two or seven cut out.

learn the lesson, my teacher says through the barred window in the door to my room.

apparently i didn't learn it quite well enough. maybe that's why i'm mad.

because this stranger saw.

but when i snap my teeth at him, his eyes widen and i see him instinctively go to take a step back. he clears his throat and then squares his shoulders, trying to compose himself. "she looks dreadful," the woman at his side says. "i'd wager she's perfect." she steps away from the other stranger, moves closer to the bars until she's nearly pressed right up against them. "you can see it in her eyes," she says. "there's nothing human in them."

she turns back towards the headmaster, and my gaze turns to him again.

"i'm sure you wish to see what you're paying for," he says, smiling and extending his hand to the right, but the strange woman lifts her own as if to stop him.

"unnecessary," she says. "we brought our own cannon fodder." as she finishes, two men appear from the shadows, manacles around their wrists.

"of course," headmaster replies just as another pair of men appear to release the men from their chains. headmaster goes to the door of my cage and presses a few buttons to unlock it. i press my back against the electrified wall, feel the shocks in each vertebrae of my spine, feel them ring icy and electric through the pit of my stomach.

i was right to be afraid.

that does not make me less lethal.

"kill the girl," the strange man says, finally composed enough to speak once more. the guards push the formerly chained men through the door to the pen, and the woman smiles. "you were rotting in the detention center for your crimes, but kill this girl and you will go free. the one who does not will be immediately executed."

the men laugh, and turn towards me.

one says something cruel, and if i were anything else, perhaps it would have made me more afraid, would have made me cower in on my own spine and try to hide inside my bones.

maybe.

but he is cruel, and the other moves quickly towards me, reaches out carelessly, casually, as if this would be easy, and it's the biggest mistake of his life. it snaps my into battle, sets every one of my instincts into motion and i grab his wrist quickly, shove the heel of my hand up swift and strong and true, smash his nose straight up into his skull. moments later the other lays dead at my feet, skull crushed between concrete and the heel of my boot.

it happens between one breath and the next. i inhale for one moment, and i am liquid fire. i am a drowning in the middle of a desert. i am an angel covered in rust colored blood.

i have night dark wings and fangs to match.

the woman smiles.

✧

the truth is, there's one thing that i know better than anything else in this world. i know it better than i know what i was made for, know it better than the fact that i was bought to protect a girl my age from having to ever enter the games. i know it better than i know how to kill a man where he stands. i know it better than i know how to sneak up on my enemies. i know it better than the warning signs of a coming threat.

if there's one thing i know, it's this.

i am more than a girl.

i am a fatality.

Last Edit: Jul 29, 2019 22:22:29 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin. Graphics 2,682 POSTS Pronouns: she/her last seen Apr 17, 2024 12:07:30 GMT -5 aspiring beam of light	jude carvalho / d2. ( fin ) Jul 29, 2019 22:13:44 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on Jul 29, 2019 22:13:44 GMT -5 it's called murder, baby! ripred_bot
	what are men to rocks and mountains? a haunted house.

lance Librarian 3,638 POSTS Pronouns: He/Him/His last seen Apr 18, 2024 1:21:08 GMT -5 gay and chaotic? call it gayos	jude carvalho / d2. ( fin ) Jul 30, 2019 22:15:00 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by lance on Jul 30, 2019 22:15:00 GMT -5 man u just keep killing me with these bios fam geddit
	credit to darsypoo uwu credit to fireflyz! credit to stare!