Shepherd of the damned (Harb/Kass)

For a moment, I wonder if she’s even going to answer. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t because I understand. It’s a lot of turmoil surviving something like this. Even eleven years later, it’s still difficult. The smallest thing makes me jump. The nightmares still linger in the distance, and any loud sound is enough to bring me to my knees. For the longest time I couldn’t even turn out the light to sleep. It had to stay on because I was so afraid of what would happen. I’m not even sure why I’m here, but I just want to talk to her, to maybe give her some advice. To ask her to come over from time to time. I don’t know, but I just feel the need to talk to her. She could be my daughter, and it’s a terrifying thought to think of especially all that I’ve lost through the years. My eyes lower from the door to the ground, and I’m about to turn away when I hear it click.

My breath catches in the back of my throat because I really don’t know what to say to her, but just seeing her head sticking out the door asking if I need something is enough to break my heart. I don’t need anything. She’s proven she doesn’t need anything, but sometimes just having a friend, someone to help get through these moments is all anyone needs. Navya is my rock. She helped me more than she’ll ever imagine. She’s my entire world. She’s a wonderful mother to our children, and I can’t help but wonder where I would be if it wasn’t for her. I drank so much. I was ruining my life, and she stepped in and saved me. I blamed Katelyn and Kirito, and now Katelyn isn’t anywhere to be found. I draw a breath in, and I fidget with my clothing. I’ve never been good at talking, but I have to try. It’s all I can do right now.

”I was just stopping by to let you know that if you ever need anything no matter what time of day it is, you know where to find me.” I don’t know if it’s enough, but I know she’s young, and all I can do right now is stand by her side for as long as she needs me to. I know how rude I was when I came home. I know how much pain and anger I had living inside me of me. ”My house is just across the road. It doesn’t matter the time of day.” I hope I’m not saying too much right now, but I don’t know what else to do. I wish someone would’ve done this for me when I got home. I take another deep breath still unsure of what to do. ”I keep a key under the mat. Just let yourself in.” A soft smile spreads from ear to ear, but I still don’t know how she’ll react or what to expect, but this is all I have. It’s all I can give.