Sylvia Aita | D1 | CB {FIN}

Death can change you, they say. It can change you, yes, but it can break you, too. Despite the years that have slowly passed since the death of one of my sons, followed by the death of my only daughter, I still feel the pain. I don't think it'll ever go away. The pain a mother feels in losing her child isn't one that can be mended. I just wish I could have my children back who have left me, and make myself, my husband and our son, Benito, how we once were. Whole.

Each day, I feel even more like I'm a terrible mother. I never taught Benito well enough when he was young, so he didn't treat Angelo right. Now, Angelo's dead. It was an accident, but still happened because of the fight the two young boys had. Had I taught Benito more self-control, perhaps we'd still have Angelo.

I never taught Lorenza survival skills outside of fighting. She didn't know how to work with others, and as soon as she ended up in an alliance in that arena, she was killed by an enemy. If she'd better communicated with her alliance, perhaps they would have better been able to protect her. Maybe she would have lived.

I look in the mirror and I see her- Lorenza. We had the same dark hair and pale skin. We were both tall, skinny and stylish, too. We even both had scars upon our bodies from the career training we'd done over the years- she just had a few additional scars from the arena, too. Physical, and emotional, I'm sure.

Today, tomorrow, and every day to come, I will live with the guilt of it all. I just wish I could mend all of the broken pieces that have shattered from my heart.