Chasing Pavements {lyndis}

Today will be a new one. My name is Clara Thneadle and I am 14 years old. My name is Clara Thneadle and my best friend is dead. And, I'm Clara Thneadle but I'll never eat bugs again. I'm always scared of dying but also scared of staying alive. If Zaddy was still alive he'd comment on how big I've gotten and swing me round and round, with a bee in my mouth. But Zagreus is dead, I don't know anything and all I do is cry too much.

Zagreus died two years ago. I was a baby then, only like, 12 and a half. I was pretty stupid back then, I think. I only knew him for a lil while, but he was my best friend. He was actually the only friend I ever had. Around Zagreus, I was free like the sun or whatever, to shine the way I wanted. Other kids made fun of me for being different, but not big Zaddy. His eyebrows were so stupid, he couldn't! And he understood that. Momma makes fun of me still and she's very fingerless. I hate my momma hahaha. I wanted Zaddy to be my daddy. But the stupid games got in the way. When Mr. Snowman says "fight", Zaggy did fight. He died in a puddle ewwy blood and hated it, I know it.

Momma wouldn't let me glance his peepers. At the funeral, I did what Momma said until then. I wnated to look at him, at his big brows. I was gonna haha one more time. But Momma said no. I ran and I ran but she caught me. I hate momma.

My momma always said I'm too much. I think I'm too little though. I'm still just a kid. I think amd think all the time but I still don't know anything. Except right now, I know I need to ho stare at grass for a bit. That's what I do now, ya know?

Concrete is kinda funny, if I stare at it while I'm walking for too long, the sky turns all funny. I wanna be funny, too, so that's what I do, most days. Today is no exception. I like to jump over the breaks. My hair goes reallllyyy bouncy.

"Ripred!", I rub my face. That rock tripped me! My whole body is now touching the stupid sidewalk. Maybe I'll just lay here though. The sky is till spinning anyway. And what would Zaddy want? This, probably. He loves to lay down, nowadays. So I guess I do too now.