cedric hardin. d12. cb. fin.

Boredom is a curse.

Not the "Oh no I'm tired of my hobby" or "My friends aren't here so I can't do anything". I'm talking eternal boredom, a hollowness in the center of your skull where a normal, functioning brain should be. My mom thinks there's something wrong with me and she's probably right. Despite sharing bloodline, we have almost nothing in common. My parents value the 'little things' in life. Boring shit. Maybe it's because they're never home - hell, I barely had a childhood because they worked so much. Playing with toys by myself was never entertaining enough. When I tried to make friends, they weren't good enough.

Nothing is good enough.

I think delinquency stems from boredom. What else is there to keep me occupied? I've wandered all around District Twelve - in the woods, the Seam, the markets, the coal mines, everything. I've painted walls, broken widows, stolen from homes and stores, I even landed myself in the Detention Center and I think that was the most exciting thing that ever happened to me. Seeing something besides the desolate streets of Twelve was refreshing. The interrogations and torture weren't exactly a warm welcome, but at least I wasn't bored. I almost miss it, but I know seeing the walls of a cell would get old.

Seeing more of the outside is what I dream about. I tune into every Capitol program I can just to see what's possible. I've heard of folks picking up jobs outside of the District - maybe that's my ticket out. Or maybe I haven't broken the worst laws yet. Questioning morals has never been my strong suit, but I do wonder if I have a limit. The worst thing I've done is drugs and hurting people in fights. Taking it a step further is something I know I'm capable of, but is it worth it for the adrenaline rush? Would it feel any different?

I'm not sure.