Sometimes silence screams [Carter/Fiona] Blitz

Fiona Zachariah

---

Aches that never heal will never go away. Phantom pain that lingers is more than just losing limbs and missing eyes, it's a pit in my stomach that knows what happened in the games, who I battled. It's phantom pains knowing that words and actions have consequences and no matter how much I wish I could go back and change things, or just fix things, it just won't happen. It can't. The past can not be fixed with words and glue.

Max knew that and so do I and so does Carter. Our post death argument replays in my head. The blame he places on me. The way Max always avoided me in the district for three years. Things like that just sit in the pit of my stomach causing an ache that will never go away.

I want relief, somehow.

How could I not try to mend what had been broken between district partners? Even if it wasn't just one sided to take part?

Though, I feel calmer as soon as my breathes come in and out with regular intravals. A rhythm to keep pace, slowing my heart and listening to the music until I can feel the wind first of someone awfully too close to me and a shadow casts against my skin. I look at Carter, fearfully in my heart, as he speaks to me. He actually speaks to me.

Is he a ghost?

"Yeah." My voice whispers out and for once, I want to face the past I've been avoiding. His features are not what they used to be. The last time we came face to face, I saw anger, hatred and contempt for my life. Now, I see sorrow, sadness and emptiness.

He knows and I wonder if he's here to make a scene again. "Do you want to - step outside where it's quieter?"

Fiona Zachariah

---

After all these years, I tried my best to try to forget him but it never worked. It was like the capitol reaped one of us on purpose to just make us remember what they are capable of. Yet I was staring at one of the men that made my after death experience nearly impossible to survive.

The president should have been the one to gain this blame.

I placed the offer for silence which Carter took and began to lead me away. I watched his back, dropping my head just enough to watch his steps all the while automatic responces seemed to flow through my mind. How I was going to react to what questions he might expell in my direction. What I might say when he mentions my district partner, his best friend. What harsh words might lash out. It was a conversation that three years of waiting hadn't prepared me for.

The brittle voice wasn't what I expected to hear. I shake my head slightly knowing I don't deserve it.

"I-I know... I know he's... Max -" His name is echoed over a thousand times in so many ways. The night it happened, I was lost to myself over Wander's name being sounded. That morning, I was drunk with euphoria as Fable was able to say. And before I had breakfast, his name was gone like that. I feel frozen as I watch this once angry person break down into tears. The world is a lot bigger than our ourselves. Dealing with something so heavy has my eyes welling up and it's instinct to take care of my own.

I wrap my arms around him, despite our past. "I know... I know about it, Carter." I place my head near his heart and listen. "I'm so sorry -"

Fiona Zachariah

---

It's one thing to deal with guilt. It's a whole other scenario to deal with blame. At this very moment, both feelings that had plagued me day in and day out, even more so in the last few weeks, were brought to a head.

I felt terrible that I didn't do more to reach out to Maxwell. When Carter and I locked eyes for that briefest of moments, that's when the years caught up to me. I was sure I could avoid it for another year, but Carter saw fit to end everything holding us back from forgiving our past debts.

I commend him.

Because now, I have my arms wrapped around a tearful man once hell bent on making sure I was to be the reason for Max's death. His chest jerks while his eyes spills tears and he sobs so openly. I feel his tears falling on my bare shoulders, rolling. If it were any colder, they'd crystalize right there. My fingers trace circles on his back trying to comfort him until he returns the hug, his arms wrapping around my back.

A new sensation follows this gesture. I can't place it - what is - this - supposed to be?

"I... I-I loved him and I just... I feel broken Fiona... I don't know how to tell the others."

"You don't have to if you don't want to but I know why you say this. It's a silent pact, almost, our games. We are kind of family now - in a weird way. I have yet to - reach out to anyone yet. I didn't feel it was my place to." I finally admit. Would Carter even understand the amount of people that would take a jab at me for the news of his death to be from the girl who wanted him dead in the first place? Things like that just don't leave and the gossip to follow would be hell.

"I'm not the right person to help with that. I will be there if you want me to when you decide to tell someone about Max." His name sounds foreign on my tongue.