Old Wounds [Harbinger HG Museum]

I don’t even know why I’m here, but every step carries me through the doors into the justice building where the holographic museum has been put up. I’ve lost so much over the last several years, and maybe the idea of seeing them again brings some sort of relief. Crusader was the first to go, and it’s been nearly sixteen years ago, and it’s hard to imagine how much different life would’ve been had he actually survived and made it home. One thing I feel I know for certain is that I wouldn’t have made it home alive, and I wouldn’t have all that I do now. A wonderful loving life, Navya, all of my kids, they mean the world to me, and I don’t want to take away from what I have. It’s just hard being without them. Some days are worse than others because I always put the pain away so I can appear strong and happy for those I love.

It takes a moment, but I find myself standing in front of this machine unsure of what to do, yet it seems simple. Pushing a button, selecting the games, then selecting Crusader’s name, I stand back watching as he buzzes to life. For a moment it all seems wrong because he’s been gone for so long, but I just want to talk to him once more even if this is as close as I’ll ever get. He’s standing there smiling, and I know he’s in a better place because this world is awful. It’s incredibly hard to exist in. I don’t know what to say or even what to do. Maybe in this fictional holographic world he'll stay alive forever, and I can always return here, but what's the purpose? Maybe on the bad days it'll make everything feel okay.

"Hello, Crusader, it's been a while." He simply nods his head, and I know what it means. I press a couple other buttons and we're standing in the middle of the darkness in the sixty-eighth hunger games. It's hard to see even with a couple of flames lighting the way. "Stay strong, my brother. Stay strong." Just hearing his voice is enough to almost bring me to my knees as I watch what actually happens during his time in the games, and it's like I'm losing him over again, but I need the reminder of what has happened, and watching him fall and then stand back up is better than anything I could ask for.

I press another button; "You were so close to winning. Maybe we could've survived together." I know I can't think that way, but this time the scene flashes again, and Crusader is standing by my side as we watch the fight play out. My brother is so close to dying, and it seems like he draws one last breath of strength, and I watch as he drives the sword through Patricia's stomach, and she falls. I would've like to see this happen. I would've loved to watch him actually survive, but know I can always come back here gives me a sense of joy. This time I don't say anything, I just stand there watching and watching as the scene replays over and over. This place is dangerous because someone can become so obsessed with it, and I am afraid I will.