not a reunion | walter vs eloise [day 8]

So what was it now, killer? Four more names in the sky last night and one of them was your doing. You stared up at the pixelated portrait of the blonde girl and wondered if she had anybody back home who would miss her. It didn’t even matter— she was dead, and you were alive, and no amount of penance for your sins would bring her back from the Capitol morgue.

You barely slept, tossing and turning as the rain continued to pour. You slept without any shelter. The rain felt like some ritual bath, like maybe it would cleanse you, and you would wake up thinking that you weren’t such a monster. It didn’t work. You just woke up soaked and chilled to the bone, despite the heavy humidity hanging in the air.

The jungle didn’t look much different from when you’d seen it the first couple days, but the strange plants didn’t frighten you any more. At least you had that. You wondered if you could find cover, a dark corner to hide in, where you could wait out the day without having to harm another person, as if that would ever be something the orchestrators of this shitshow would allow.

“Eloise.”

Oh, fuck.

You had left Walter behind because you were useless. With your knee freshly broken, you knew you were dead weight. You had the terrible hope that somebody else would kill him before you could run into him again. Seemed your hopes had been foolish.

”No no no no!” He cried. ”No we were never meant to meet again…no go away!”

What the fuck were you supposed to do? There was nothing, no way to make this better. A cruel fate was being slapped onto the both of you and you couldn’t cheat your way out.

“I am so sorry. So sorry. Sorry!”

You closed your eyes, braced yourself, and let him attack you. You deserved it, after all.

The blade drew a thin line across your hip. It barely hurt, maybe because you’d endured worse, or maybe because you were just becoming numb. Either way, once you unclenched your teeth and opened your eyes, you were forced to acknowledge what was in front of you, which was, either you killed Walter, or Walter was going to kill you. You’d seen the kid in action. You knew what he was capable of.

I’m sorry too, you thought, as you drew your sword. It meant nothing, an empty platitude. Sorries, regrets, they were worth fuck all in this arena. What was a sorry going to do for a Gamemaker? Make them laugh, you figured. You weren’t in the mood for entertaining fascists.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
rEsOzANLVTsword
1018 -- Shallow Cut on Left Bicep -- 3.5 damage

”Do you choose to not talk, or was it taken away from you?”

There was never any such thing as a choice.

You had been made to feel like you weren’t good enough. You had been made to feel like everything you did was wrong. You were the problem child, you spoke too loud and said too much, you were so desperate for connection that you would pour your heart out to anyone who pretended to care about you. You had been pathetic. What was the point in saying anything if nothing you ever said was right? It was easier just to say nothing at all.

In a way, it had been taken from you.

Walter spoke about his ally from Twelve and it made you think of Bill. You couldn’t keep thinking about him, it made you miserable every time, but you missed him so much it fucking hurt. It hurt worse than any of your stitched cuts and broken bones. How funny that you and Walter had parted ways, found new people to take care of you, and had to watch those people die. How cruel.

He swung his sword again and you took the blow. Another paper cut, like you and Sophie had been doing to each other before you chopped her leg clean off. You wondered, at what point during this day would you do something like that again? There was no escaping the things you had done. You had butchered a girl alive and it would only be a matter of time before you snapped like that again. It scared you. A year ago, you didn’t think yourself capable of anything, let alone taking another human life as brutally as you did.

You chuckled to yourself, thinking over the concept of a remorseful killer. You wondered if the boy who killed Bill felt bad about it.

You doubted it.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
6c3my0zTb6sword
1062 -- Block -- 0.0 damage


accuracy re-roll
sword
1186 -- Miss -- 0.0 damage

You couldn’t hit him. You swung, and missed, and swung, and missed again. Maybe your subconscious had prevented you from hurting him, or maybe you were just off your rhythm. Either way, you fucking hated yourself. It wasn’t your fault you were in this situation, but still, it felt like it was. You needed to try harder to win, or try harder to die. Cut him deeper or let him stab you in the heart. Sophie had missed. You hoped he wouldn’t.

Everything Walter spoke about sounded so nice. A house, and new clothes, and love from family and friends. You had never been loved. You had your sister, but that was more a societal obligation thing. The only things you had given her to love were your bass lines in her music. What did she love about you?

Nothing. You were nothing.

You withstood another shallow attack from Walter. You owed it to him. It would be so easy to lay down and die, like you’d wanted to do yesterday, before you carved away Sophie’s limbs. You could let him go and have that life. Wouldn’t that be so easy?

Nothing you could do would remove you from what you had done to her. You would never stop being the monster. Stop acting like you could ever be a fucking saint.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
AQZbeXeYdbsword
1151 -- Deep Gash on Stomach -- 9.0 damage

“I always wanted to be a nurse you know, put this medical knowledge to good use,” Walter said, still bothering to speak to you even after you stabbed him in the stomach. “I don’t think that will ever happen now. Not after all of this, if I survive.”

You wanted to tell him that you thought he still could. A victor nurse, could you imagine? He would do so much good, compared to the ones who hid away or drowned themselves in alcohol or married each other. You could see him in the halls of a hospital, wearing a stark white coat and mask, ready to help the people of Six. He had a life waiting for him outside this arena. What did you have? Nothing. It would be cruel to take that from him.

He attacked again. You made no move to dodge, but he missed anyway. As you moved to swing your own sword, he struck again, suddenly, and you felt something fall from the side of your face.

Motherfucker.

All the sounds on the right side of you felt faint, drowned out by a low buzzing. You made your hand into a fist and banged it against the bloody hole. There was barely any sound, just the vibrations of the punches radiating throughout your skull. A strangled noise came up your throat. Or was it bile? You choked it down either way.

If you’re such a good nurse, can you stitch my ear back on? you thought, and then you felt bad for being so cruel.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
bT|o5Loiahsword
1138 -- Deep Gash on Back -- 8.5 damage

Walter kept talking and you wished you could scream at him to stop. Everything he said just added to your guilt, the guilt that you were already choking on. It was too much. You knew you were doing a terrible thing, trying to kill someone who had once been your friend, taking a life away from someone who still had so much to live for. You were being so selfish. If you really wanted to repent for the terrible thing you had done, you would just let him kill you. But you wouldn’t. You kept fighting.

You were evil, Eloise. You had never given much thought to the concepts of heaven and hell, but you figured, if all of your dead friends were in one place, you’d surely be going to the other. What was the point of dying if you couldn’t even see them again? You needed to stop being so indecisive. Either you wanted to live, or you wanted to die. Either you wanted to kill Walter or let him kill you.

This is why you fucked everything up. You never knew the right decision to make, you needed somebody else to tell you what to do, to hold your hand and walk you through it. You were bound to irrevocably fuck things up otherwise. You had already killed two people and watched three others die. Wasn’t that the definition of fucking things up?

Walter deserved to live more than you did. Bill had deserved to live more than you did. Sophie had deserved to live more than you did. Still, you couldn’t make yourself give up. No matter how hard you screamed at yourself, you just couldn’t lay down and die.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
HBGhP_xVhqsword
1110 -- Severed Left Foot at Ankle -- 9.0 damage

It was happening again.

You watched him fall to the ground without his foot to keep him up and all you could see was Sophie. Sophie on the ground, Sophie losing her limbs one by one, Sophie in agony. You did that. You were doing it again. You had hit the point, the point you were so afraid of, and there was no coming back from it.

Walter cried on the ground and you stood and watched. What else were you supposed to do? Kneel down and tend to his wounds? You were pretty sure you had already established that you weren’t a good person.

“I won’t be a good nurse now Eloise. Thanks for making for sure of that.”

He meant for his words to bite, but you were so numb you couldn’t feel a thing. You wanted this to be over. You wanted him to be dead, so you wouldn’t have to deflect any more guilt. How cruel of you to wish death on someone who had been your friend. You were the one who left him. You were the one who hoped he died before you’d have to face him again again.

You were more of a monster than you thought.

“You won’t answer me. But what are you fighting for? What is waiting for you?”

His sword scratched against your stomach. You moved back a step, in case he was trying to trick you again, before gesturing to yourself with a finger pointed at your chest. Me. Fuck everyone else, fuck the fact that you had nothing waiting for you back home. You had yourself. You were going to let yourself be selfish.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
fXM_BimMx8sword
1036 -- Severed Right Hand at Wrist -- 9.0 damage

Walter hurled cruel words at you and there was nothing you could do but stare. You were a brute. You were making this painful. You were no better than a career. You needed to be stopped.

You knew all of that already. You could feel it in your bones as you took Sophie Fray’s limbs one by one. If he wanted to hurt you, he was going to have to try a little harder. Tell you something you didn’t know. Stab you in the heart. Fucking kill you. You were so numb, hovering outside your body, watching as you took another one of Walter’s limbs. What number was this? Five? All you could give in return was your freshly deaf ear.

You didn’t want to make this fair, you wanted to make it hurt. Nothing in this world was fair anymore. People had been taken from you and revenge didn’t make it any better. You hacked off limbs and kept your own. The Gamemakers were forcing you to choose between yourself and somebody who had once been a friend, and you were being selfish. Nothing was fucking fair. It didn’t matter. If you wanted to live, he needed to die. You wouldn’t be made to feel guilty over that.

Walter’s sword scratched across your stomach again. You stayed hovering over him, and for a moment, his face was Sophie’s. The scene was disgustingly familiar, almost shot for shot. You were tired. You wanted this to be over.


[ eloise attacks walter; sword ]
DALu_lC0wnsword
1016 -- Deep Gash on Forehead -- 9.0 damage