metanoia | willow's dp

i fall to p i e c e s.

my hand is removed from my body and accompanies my missing ear, yet i fight on. i try desperately with blood soaked tears to fight. im so close. i can leave soon. run away. i just need to slice into the boy one more time. he's stumbling around also, our blood pooling together in a mixture of despair.

then my final pain shoots through my body and i collapse. everyone runs. i try to gasp out, my vision blurring as i see them running away. i had tricked myself. i had thought they were friends. "georgi," i try desperately, clinging on to hope. "trist, mia," but with each breath my voice weakens more and more until my whispers fade to silence.

i want them to put me back together again. just like the day before when i had my back to the tree they helped stitch together the deep wounds that have now reopened. now, as i see their feet leaving in a haze of red i wonder if it meant anything. and then, silence. my ears fill with what's coming for me. nothingness. as the blood leaves my body and i begin to shutdown. it's as if i was merely a hologram like iris' in the museum. it's like i am the first iris from all those years ago.

but even as i strain silently, calling for them, hoping desperately that they'll come back for me, i know they won't. and even as they abandon me, i hope that they still live. they're better than most of the people tributes in this humid hell. maybe one of them will make it out alive. maybe jules will make it. all i know for certain is that i won't be there to see the end of this.

i can still hear lex's voice in my head. "think."

i wasn't thinking. i could have stopped myself from fighting. i could have tried to prevent my death just a bit more. i could have done more. and i won't be stitched back together again. i won't come back like lex did. there won't be any miraculous savior. the capitol is benevolent in that it will only bring people back to life once in a while, and im not a part of that one time. im not special.

there's nothing i can do to get out of this.

maybe i will see iris soon. find out what she wanted to say to me. i didn't spend enough time in here to go insane as she did, but maybe we will be together again. maybe we will both be intact, mind and body. maybe there is so much more, but maybe there's nothing. i guess i'll find out soon enough.

i can feel my pain subsiding as my nerves shut off. i fade into nothingness as my thoughts become slurred and weak.

everything is uncertain. i don't know what will happen to me now. i don't know where i will go or if there's anything for me now. i don't know if i will see my friends again, if i'll see iris again. i don't know anything for certain.

except for one thing.

that there's nothing left of me to be stitched back together.

4m dagger thane 🗡jay im sad i didn't get to use this table during the games <//3

hehe am i late or something