ignite my childhood | sidonie

The longer she marinated on the fact that Jules was not in the house, the more she realized that she wanted out as well. Sidonie liked to spend time with Noah when things got intense at home or at the shop, because she was usually on a wavelength that Jules and Jamie and Eli and the rest of her siblings weren’t on. She was typically mellow, always loving. But ever since Jules had left, Sidonie could sense the waves of anxiety that rolled off of Noah when they curled up together at night, the same nervous energy that infected the rest of her family. So on the first morning after the reaping, Sidonie got up and headed to the shop without being asked to, because that was the mature thing to do and good businesspeople continued working in the midst of tragedy.

Things went smoothly for about a day, with Sid working at twice the pace that she usually did. People came by more often, whether they were battling their own fears or attempting to assuage the Monaghans’ own. Once she turned to greet someone who approached the counter and ended up with a basket of bread in her arms, accompanied by a rapid-fire apology for Juliet, I saw what happened, well, we all did. Sidonie merely smiled and offered a 'thank you' in return, not forgetting that the whole district had already seen her have a meltdown once and not willing to let it happen again.

The next day went worse; she had rushed to grab something before one of her family members did, resulting in mason jar shards and herbs covering the floor and her sheepishly sweeping it up. She was implored to be more careful, let me handle it next time, and her cheeks reddened at the implicit message that she had messed up. She made it through the day without further incident, but it still burned in the back of her mind.

Much of the third day went off without fanfare, until she came face-to-face with an unhappy customer.

"I said I wanted rosemary, and you gave me sage!" he shouted, waving his arms around.

"Sir, I’m positive that I gave you-" Sidonie started, before the man started again.

"What, are you tryin' to pull a fast one on me?"

"No, it should’ve been-" She scrambled to pull out samples of each herb to compare them, but the man’s anger filled her mind.

"Do you all think that just because you’re struggling, you can manipulate the rest of us?" The words started a quiver in Sid’s lip. "Welcome to twelve! We all suffer. You’re no better than the rest of us."

Before she could stop herself, her chest began to heave painfully and her vision blurred with tears. This seemed to flip a switch, and the customer’s protests died down.

"Hey. Hey, kid. Don’t look like that."

The cautious words were followed by a careful sliding of coins across the counter, a pile that stood a tad higher than asking price. "Forget I said anything. I’ll manage," the customer said gruffly, backing away slowly.

Sidonie tried to muster up her usual cheery pleasantries as he exited the shop, but she figured there was no point, and she took the coins in her hands and tossed them back and forth between her palms.

Normal Sidonie would’ve debated whether this was bad for business, but eventually discover a unique power in it and spend hours in her room practicing a convincing facade to get her way the next time she wanted something. But there would be no getting her way because her way meant that Jules would be home and everyone would be happy and she could finally lift that ugly blemish off of her pretty white dress.

Would she be proud of me right now? Sidonie wondered. She had made the sale - Jules would definitely be happy about that - but at what cost? After idling a while longer, she opened the register and deposited the coins inside, the familiar tinkling sound digging a claw further into her chest. Only once the drawer had been locked again and she had cleared her workspace did she allow herself to smear the tears on her cheeks like paint.

She didn’t go back to the shop for a few days after that.