crop of passion
Apr 29, 2020 1:05:05 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2020 1:05:05 GMT -5
s a m p s o n .
"you are weak
but not foolish
you have learned
how to die."
Man, I really don't know what I'm doing.
I mean, really, orange walls with a dark oak wood flooring? I just don't think it really works, part of me just wants to tear this whole thing apart. Thumbnails of paints and patterns showing up just like spots in my squinting eyes, the smell of coffee burning through my nose and injecting itself straight into my brain - "okay, fuck I'm stressed, Sailor, I don't know what I'm doing."
"Yeah, thank god you're also a mess, it really does make me feel less crazy."
I don't know if she hears me slam my feet into the floor, we're both just two giant messes. Her ideas are amazing, and my technique is great, it's just the stress, making the entire portfolio of ideas and not even knowing if Bambi will like it or not. I'm used to working alone, not having to worry about appealing to my supervisor; fuck, I can't even figure out what I'm gonna do with this room, never the less if I want a t-hem feature or not on a pair of goddamn corduroys that won't ever be worn.
Ugh, part of me just wants to call Copernicus and tell him to shoot me in my head- I'm in over it anyways. "Girl, give me the strength because I just don't think I can do it," I swivel around in my chair and just stare at myself in the mirror. There's sketches and concepts stuck in the paneling, and I can't help but just feel like I'm going to puke again.
But I can't help but feel fucking important. That's the thing keeping me going, there's a long ass platform ahead of me and it's just getting there that's the proble-
"Oh, who the fuck- give me one sec, babe," I just need like, thirty minutes uninterrupted, okay? It feels like I can't make it long enough to drink my damn coffee without somebody knocking on my door- I don't know how my mom of all people managed to work here. She would be fucking frantic, how am I worse off dealing with this than her?!
Oh, that's right.
She knew what she was fuckin' doing; holy shit.
"Sailor, I. Am. Gonna have to call you back," oh fuck me, I don't think I'm ready. I catch myself just staring through the peep hole of my studio and she's standing there, Opal goddamn Earnest. Already?! My heart's gonna beat the door down before anything else, I haven't seen this woman since I was a kid- she's my client now, that's reassuring.
I don't have shit ready for her, fuck I don't even have her measurements- oh god okay okay, reassurance lost, I unlock the dead bolt and hesitate.
Will she recognize me? What do I even say, she's gotta be expecting my mom.
"Oh," I try to act natural, "hey Miss Opal! Come in, come in!"