i miss the days: Katelyn + Kirito
May 5, 2020 23:34:24 GMT -5
Post by charade on May 5, 2020 23:34:24 GMT -5
She almost hadn’t knocked on the door. It had seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, but she’d brought herself to do it. With the district in lockdown, she’d found herself with a hell of a lot more time than the usual. At some point she’d decided it was time to stop being so alone. She hadn’t really spoken to Kirito since Kass’s victory.
Sure, they’d discussed sponsorship and other victor related duties the last two years, waved at each other when getting the mail, but they hadn’t talked. Hadn’t had a heart to heart. So she had baked a mixed batch of cookies; Oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, peanut butter and gingersnaps, and headed over to his house with a basket in hand.
The thought of it scared the hell out of her. But if her emotional night with Opal had taught her anything it was that she’d spent far too many years holding onto far too many things. The door opened and she was taken aback at how different he looked. How he’d grown. “Hey. Been awhile, Kirito. I, uh, brought some cookies for the kids. And uh,” she searched for the words and couldn’t find them. They’d been so close in those early years.
Was eighteen really that far away from the present? She remembered her amazement, her shock and joy when he’d come back to her. When the two of them had leapt out of their chairs when Harbinger had been the last one standing, in spite of his missing leg. She remembered burying Iain and putting a hand on his shoulder. Throwing up in the trash can while they swore bloody murder at the Mortuus girl for desecrating little Carrita’s corpse.
And then there were the years she’d been gone. While she had fallen apart and put herself back together, Kirito had made something of himself. He’d been the Mayor for eleven for a whole term. Overcame his illness and started a medical practice. Even a school. She felt pride for him, for what he’d become. But even now, looking at him, she could still see that seventeen-year-old with the rural Eleven accent sipping stew from across the table on the train.
“I know I gotta fight and maybe even kill, but I don’ wanna lose who I am. I am a healer who likes helpin’ people an’ I don’ want that to eva change ya know”
And he hadn’t. Of the three of them, he was the most well-adjusted. He’d made his peace with the past much sooner than her or Harb. She’d thought she had, but she’d been lying to herself. When he’d been laying in that hospital bed after surviving his games, she’d told him to make their deaths worthwhile. Make it mean something. That he was alive, so he had to live. And by God he’d done it. Even better than she had.
Katelyn felt her cheeks redden with shame as she remembered the rest of that conversation.
Ya have always been there for meh an’ I promise to always be there for ya too. We are Victors togetha’ so we always have to look out for one anotha’.
She hadn’t kept her end of that promise. Sure, the Capitol had interfered and she’d been a wreck for a long while, but she’d been back for a couple years now, and she hadn’t done anything to patch up the fences that had fallen into ruin during her absence. Had she made her life mean something? Twenty-three will never equal one, she knew that, but had she forgotten it somewhere along the way?
Her gut twisted, and she resisted the urge to look down at the ground. It had taken a great deal of pain and suffering to get her to focus on herself, on her needs and desires instead of trying to take care of everyone else. And those people had grown. They didn’t need her help anymore. They had lives and children of their own and she was just the—the sister that lived alone and popped around to visit once in a blue moon. Would he even want her to come inside?
“It’s uh, good to see you. How’re Oasis and the kids?” She said after an awkward pause. It had been awhile. All she had now was small talk. She didn’t know what to bring up first. How the medical practice or the school was doing? How was his health? Should she bombard him with everything she’d been up to lately? She realized belatedly that he was holding a cane in one hand and felt another wave of remorse wash over her.
“I uh, hope everyone’s doing okay during this lockdown?”[ DARS ]