keegan tate / six. fin

🌱 kaitlin.
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last seen Apr 23, 2024 14:50:11 GMT -5

aspiring beam of light

keegan tate / six. fin May 6, 2020 9:58:58 GMT -5

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Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on May 6, 2020 9:58:58 GMT -5

keegan.
eighteen.
ruined.

Last Edit: May 16, 2020 21:49:31 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin.
Graphics

2,683 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen Apr 23, 2024 14:50:11 GMT -5

aspiring beam of light

keegan tate / six. fin May 6, 2020 10:00:11 GMT -5

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Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on May 6, 2020 10:00:11 GMT -5

I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. ~~And maybe, that’s why I love them.~~

— B.C.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin.
Graphics

2,683 POSTS

Pronouns: she/her
last seen Apr 23, 2024 14:50:11 GMT -5

aspiring beam of light

keegan tate / six. fin May 6, 2020 10:07:03 GMT -5

Quote

Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on May 6, 2020 10:07:03 GMT -5

lasciate ogne speranza,
voi ch'intrate.

Running wild in the fields and crawling into bed with banned books, flipping through the pages of a story long ago forgotten. Leaving a candle burning and filling a room with light, with love, with life. Hopelessly smart and hopelessly foolish, begging for death and begging for love and begging and begging and begging. Running and running and running as far as your long legs can take you.

You're born in the very center of Six, but that's never been where your heart lies.

You were never supposed to happen, that much you know from the moment you're born, and for as long as you can remember you've wanted to run away because of it. Your mother was a socialite, or at least as much of one as you can be buried in District Six, and your father was a man of old money, or as old as you can have in Panem. He was from a world of high-class, politicians and scholars, and they met at a gala one night, falling in love instantly.

He told anyone and everyone that it was love at first sight.

For two years, they were happy, and well on their way to being married. Neither wanted children, only to live a life of luxury and academics, of making money and learning new ways to drown in their own wealth, unabashedly. Then, two weeks before she walked down the aisle, you go and change everything, and even though it wasn't what they planned, they agreed to love you, together.

Nine months later, you breathe your first breath while she lies dead on the table.

✦

You spend your life atoning for a sin you didn't choose to commit.

You're wasting your life, your father would say, voice flat and dead when you didn't manage to get that perfect score. She's gone and you're here and you're not even good enough. He said it a million different ways a million different times, variation upon variation of one single sentiment: you're never going to be her.

✦

You try.

You try so hard that you think you'll suffocate sometimes under the weight of it all. You study long hours, take ballet lessons when you start getting perfect grades. She was a dancer, you know, a lithe and beautiful thing that danced in and out of people's lives and hearts like it was the easiest thing in the world.

But you're a collection of long and lanky limbs and no matter how hard you try, you're never going to be as graceful as her.

You come to the conclusion slowly, painfully. It's an agonizing truth, one that you want to run away from every time that you think about it. Just love me, you weep alone in your room. Please, why don't you love me?

✦

At sixteen, you do everything you can to make yourself heartless.

It's the first time you snap, well and truly. A girl tries to pick-pocket you on your way home from practice at the studio, and you grab her by the hair and send your fist right into her nose, watch blood burst from it and down over her mouth and drip down her chin and—you can breathe. For the first time in years, you feel like you can breathe.

The girl shrieks and runs away, but you still find yourself screaming.

A visceral, gut-wrenching scream. A scream like your life was draining out of you.

And, in a way, it was.

✦

When he asks you to leave, there's no pomp, no circumstance. There's no big fight. He doesn't take all of your belongs and burn them in the street, doesn't swing his fist at you and leave your world spinning from more than just a lack of home.

He just sits in an armchair sipping glass after glass of scotch, waiting for you to walk through that front door.

"I'll keep funding you, long as you need," he says, barely even bothering to look you in your light eyes. "But I don't want to see you anymore."

What were you supposed to say to that? No? Beg and scream and plead that he keep you? He'd spent nearly seventeen years now making sure that you knew you were never going to be enough, making sure you knew that more than being a disappointment, he hated you and he always would. You couldn't even bring yourself to blame him, in a fucked up and self masochistic kind of way. You know that the only reason he kept you around at all had been a feeble hope that you'd turn out just like her, that you'd be enough, that some little piece of his dead wife would live on in their daughter.

But the years brought nothing but dashed dreams.

So you left, went and cried on your friends' couch with nothing but a duffle bag of your things, and when she offered to get you a job in her mom's bookstore, you cried a little bit more and said thank you thank you thank you.

And you went on living.

Because that's what lions do.

Last Edit: May 16, 2020 21:49:17 GMT -5 by 🌱 kaitlin.

what are men to rocks and mountains?

a haunted house.

🌱 kaitlin. Graphics 2,683 POSTS Pronouns: she/her last seen Apr 23, 2024 14:50:11 GMT -5 aspiring beam of light	keegan tate / six. fin May 16, 2020 21:49:54 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by 🌱 kaitlin. on May 16, 2020 21:49:54 GMT -5 ripred_bot
	what are men to rocks and mountains? a haunted house.

lance Librarian 3,638 POSTS Pronouns: He/Him/His last seen Apr 24, 2024 2:29:03 GMT -5 gay and chaotic? call it gayos	keegan tate / six. fin May 20, 2020 2:42:27 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by lance on May 20, 2020 2:42:27 GMT -5 zoo wee mama this is some heavy shit right there henny
	credit to darsypoo uwu credit to fireflyz! credit to stare!