sebastien salazar

S E B A S T I E N .

One day, you know, I'll run this district. 

I don't know if that should scare me nearly as much as it does; don't get me wrong, it feels- it feels so damn good to think about. My name on the justice building, somewhere actually I don't know exactly where, but every time I try to picture it all I get is a cylone in my stomach. I feel topsy-turvy, even, maybe it's just the power trip turning into a power tumble, but I'm going to be something important one day, whether I want to be or not. 

Technically, I kinda already am, but that's on my sister's merit. Jacinta's out doing her own thing, we lost Violetta and I still don't know if I'm able to talk about it around our father or not. He doesn't seem all the way there, not since Jacinta left; which, is good for me, I think? I love that man with all my heart, but I've been trained for how long to fill a pair of shoes that still aren't empty. The name belonged to him, and then Jacinta, and then Violetta, and then Luzia,

and goddamn it, I'm just ready for it to be my turn already. 

Jacinta, though, I only see her on the days where she brings me cigarettes. From the capitol, she gets them from somewhere up there and I've never been and the closest I think I'll get is the smoke in my lungs. Trust me, if I could run my legs up there I would find a way at this point. I wish, maybe I could just pretend to be my father and catch a ride. They have a clearance for him from back in his mayor election days, and sometimes I think I'm slick enough just to swipe the card and catch that train. 

Follow Jaci wherever she goes; I wish I could say she owed me for it. She's the oldest, she's the richest, and no matter how many connections my father has, she will always own the district with that crown on her head. And I can't even say I like her, or know her. 

Or... care about her to be frank. 

Still, blood and blood, I have to care to some extent. If something bad happened to her, I- fuck, I think they would care? Actually, I don't know. I don't even know if they care about Elena or Luzia, it's just dinner plates and my mother's maid replacing the forks. I can't stop thinking about it the time Jacinta threw a knife at our father and that was the last time I saw her, and it's just. 

It's hard. I barely know her; I don't! I don't know her at all, that's the thing, she's constantly reminds us that. The girl I know is the girl who was on television and I remember being nine, memorizing every line. Holding my finger tips to the static of her killing a girl named Cynthia and it was my sister, my older sister, and it felt like every word she said to Clementa Lowe or Ansel Kite was the first word I had ever heard her say. 

Back then, it's all I knew of her. I thought she was better back then, truthfully, because there was that illusion of doubt that I mattered to her. That she would come back, and I would have gained another sister than losing one I never had, if that makes sense. She killed Cynthia, and lived, and I felt she would come and I would hug a sister who fought to live to see us. 

And she stabbed my father. 

And she killed Violetta. 

And now, I-

I don't know.

She has her own family, and I have my meat head friends and Elana and Luzia, and Dante too. And every other goddamn cousin, and I have my father's face and my father's weak side and, well, not that I'm thinking about it, I can tell why my mother hates me so goddamn much. Luzia is her favorite, I can fucking tell. 

Elana is the baby, and I love her, but I'm definitely father's favorite, humble brag.  

And so anyways, Stella is completely in love with me. I sent her a letter once, after she won, slipped it in her suitcase after she had some formal meeting with my father, and I'm pretty sure she took it home with her. I saw her with a letter on television once, and it just makes sense. 

So, I'll marry her, of course, and we'll be rich and we'll buy district nine together and turn it into a zoo. 

[ firestorm ]