i know where we've been :: harbinger & kirito

Things were tough for a while, and sometimes I didn’t know what to do with myself. Being at home alone, going through the motions, trying to keep myself strong took a toll. Even getting out of my house really became a chore. It was empty without Navya around. It was difficult trying to keep myself going, but sometimes my mind went back to the basic survival mode. Sometimes I barely ate. Sometimes I barely got out of bed. It was almost as though this giant wave came crashing down on me. Sometimes I blamed myself, and I wondered where I went wrong and how I could fix it.

All I ever wanted was to give my family the best life, and I’m not sure if that ever happened. Even as the peacekeepers patrolled the district, all I could think about was my family being stuck outside somewhere. I didn’t know where they were or what the plan was. I didn’t know anything about how to help them. I failed them, and I’m terrified something might’ve happened. I was outside gathering a few things up to bring inside for the night in case someone tried stealing them from me, and Kirito came over and sat down beside me. In that moment nothing else mattered. He always had good intentions, and in that moment I needed them more than anyone could ever imagine.

The conversation we had helped get me through the night. I brought a bit of much needed peace of mind. I just had to figure out what to do with it, but now that I’m in the Capitol, I want to find him and figure out where his head is. Especially since we last talked. Its’s been a while. Each step through this place is a nightmare, and even though I know my family is okay for the time being, I still have all that fear that someone will hurt them. Part of my wonders what the quell is and how it’ll mess with those inside the arena already. I know the fear is there, and this year I tried being a better mentor.

I take a deep breath and slowly move myself through the halls of the eleventh floor. The sun is slowly beginning to rise over the horizon, and maybe I can find peace in sitting on the roof watching it all come into action. I knock on the door to his room listening to see if he’s inside. ”Hey, I’ll be on the roof and would like to talk.”” My voice is loud, but I’m worried I’ll wake him up. Hopefully it doesn’t matter though. And without another word, I venture to the roof where my eyes lock on the sky as I wonder what’s in store for the quell this year.