mirage | stella and katelyn

k a t e l y n .

You're just like me when I was your age
We all knew better, name it, we've been there

It was good to hear that Nico was alright. He’d been so lost on his victory tour, so broken and her heart had gone out to him. The eighty-first had been her first year back, and she’d been in a dark place herself, coaxing the embers of her shattered soul back into a flame. But she’d spared a few to attempt to keep him warm, seeing the cloud hanging above his head that had threatened to drown him when it finally burst.

There was a flicker of something across Stella’s face when she made the comparison about them, not annoyance, but more of an acknowledgment that she wasn’t comfortable with making. It was smart, Katelyn thought, that she was cautious about the Capitol’s ears. It had taken her years to really learn that.“I think that’s where the comparison starts and ends. You left your allies so you wouldn’t have to kill them. Finley dragged me to the ends of the Arena and protected me and probably died for that. You stayed with Chaske so he wouldn’t die alone, while I collapsed in a heap beside Aeson Kight and prayed that the bloodloss would take me. You were like a force of nature in your Games. And I just….survived.”

A force of nature? Her? Katelyn had almost voiced a disagreement at that, but she stopped herself, thinking about their two games. At the start, Stella had broken a tribute’s rib and then fled after swinging a whip around in a panic. Katelyn had cut off an ear, severed two girl’s legs, killing one. She’d been one of the last three tributes standing around the cornucopia, the snow drenched in crimson, littered with body parts and the fallen. She’d thrown up what little remained in her stomach when it was over, but she’d been covered in blood that was not her own.

It was then the Katelyn realized just how terrifying she might have come off as in the arena. While she knew that internally she’d just been forcing herself to hold it together, not cry; she couldn’t think of a time where she’d really sat down and thought about what the rest of them had seen. Was this part of why people seemed to be in awe of her so frequently? Afraid of her? Intimidated?

When the sabretoothed tigers had attacked, she’d fought the leader, slaying the beast with three well-placed throwing axes. Cut off a career's finger and then told Lexi to finish him. Brutalized Prism in her effort to keep Lexi safe. Took on the self-proclaimed monster of the sixty-ninth and killed him too. Sank her ice pick into Margaret’s chest like an avenging angel. I killed them, you know. But Stella had taken Euley, Aeson and Raven apart bone by bone, hadn’t she? Once she’d finally settled on a weapon.

Katelyn had always considered herself to be nothing more than a survivor, but if that wasn’t how other people saw her, then what did they see her as? She smiled demurely as Stella thanked her for her congratulations, her chest heaving with—excitement? She was certainly one of the more animated victors that Katelyn had talked to. The fervor of youth. A house by a lake sounded lovely, but she didn’t have much time to dwell on that as Stella started up with her questions, the ones Katelyn had been sure she was planning to ask, ever since she’d walked over looking like she needed to ask a waitress for extra ketchup but was afraid to.

It did however, catch her off guard to hear herself and Opal referred to as Panem’s star couple. She knew they’d been seen around the Capitol together; the people in the club had definitely been paying attention. And sure, she’d seen a tabloid or two discussing them, but really? Then again, she mused; it had been a few years since a pair of victors had started dating, and people in the Capitol ate that up like a decadent cheesecake. For a brief moment she was worried that there’d be an interview in her near future, but she let the feeling pass.


When she was quite certain that Stella had finished, she answered.

Easy questions first.

“I know a few good restaurants on style street, and a club with a good DJ,” she said with a smile." I’m not opposed to the idea of hanging out, but I’ll need to run it by Opal and see what her schedule’s like.” What she didn’t say was that she wasn’t sure what Opal’s relationship with the media was these days, and whether or not a gossip columnist was going to make her uncomfortable. She plowed ahead.

“Concerning the wedding, well. When people need my help with something, it’s usually either advice or pastries. I’ve done a few wedding cakes back home, nothing Capitol quality, but we do alright.” She chuckled quietly under her breath. "But from your other questions, I don’t think that’s what you wanted.” Katelyn leaned back in her chair, tapping her finger on the table. Stella might not have realized it, but she’d given her quite a bit to think about. "I want to preface this by saying I think you're too hard on yourself. I may have been called a lioness in the past, but you're a wolf, Stella. Just surviving is an impressive feat in of itself. It's how I felt all those years ago."  She smiled good-naturedly, the gears in her head already turning.  

“How do I manage to do this year after year and keep my head,” she repeated. "The answer to that is a long one."

Being Katelyn Persimmon. That was the question. Stella wanted to pick her brain, likely hoping for something she could apply to her own mentoring efforts. Katelyn could oblige. When it came to other victors she was always willing to be an open book. She sighed thoughtfully.

“It was hard in the beginning. My first few years of mentoring I was pulled in a hundred different directions and I—did not always handle the pressure well.” She leaned forward conspiratorially for a moment. “Nobody really talks about this now, but back in the year of the seventy-fourth I had to be physically removed from the training center for threatening a tribute.” She leaned back and sat upright again.

“To be fair, he threatened the children in my care first,” she grabbed for the coffee she’d finished, and pouted slightly when she remembered the cup was empty before shaking her head. “It probably didn’t help my temper that Rolf Parks was just as much of an asshole as Chaske.” She laughed quietly, but her eyes didn’t quite laugh with her.

So many tributes gone over the years. Familiar names, faces. Relegated to the annals of history.

“I had a lot of unresolved emotions for a long time. I hadn’t the time to deal with them, you see. Couldn’t spare the energy to process them when I had to help Kirito and Harbinger cope with what they’d been through. I had to walk them through what came after, because I had done it." Even though there’d been no one to show her the ropes. it was something she’d had to figure out by herself.

“Don’t do that by the way,” she said pointing a playful if accusatory finger in Stella’s direction. “Repressing those things isn’t healthy.” Her hand went back to the table. “But as for how I keep my head now?” She pursed her lips, thinking about the years she’d lost, and the things she’d regained. “I suppose I focus. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to make people happy, lift their spirits. Early into my mentoring career I decided that the only thing worse than watching tributes die was watching them die and knowing I hadn’t done everything in my power to help them."  She recalled her conversation with Arbor, and how he'd tried to convince her to stop. To let Harbinger die before they did to her what they'd done to him. 

"I'm sorry Mr.Halt, but if I wind up where you are fifteen years from now, it'll be because I stopped caring." 

"I had a choice. I could let the burden crush me under its weight and stop caring because it was easier. Or I could shoulder the weight. It was later in life that I learned to share the load, but—" she chewed her bottom lip, clasping her hands on the table in front of her.

“You have to understand, growing up in Twelve, you at least had Arbor, Aranica and Heron, reclusive as they can be. We had nothing. I was Eleven’s first victor in living memory. Decades upon decades. Everyone knew we never came home. It was a lot of pressure; suddenly the entire district knew who I was. Wanted to thank me for bringing them a little hope. We’ve always been community minded. People were crying, It’d been ages since there’d been a reason to celebrate.”

She remembered the celebrations well. The barbecues. The singing. The prosperity that had come to the district. People hadn't known what to do with themselves. The early seventies were golden years for her district. 

"And then a year later, at the age of eighteen, I brought another tribute home as a victor. I was a hero. The following year at nineteen I did it again. I wasn’t just the senior victor anymore; I wasn’t a hero. I guess in many people’s minds I crossed over to being a legend. And that's not even taking Kass into account."

But all good things came to an end. It started with Iain, and it just sort of kept on going from there. 

"I’ve had a lot taken from me because of that,” she said quietly, eying the nearest avox. She didn’t need to say who by, Stella would understand. “But a long time ago I decided they weren’t going to take my drive to help people too.” Katelyn was quiet for a few moments after that, not having known that that much was on her heart until it poured out. “I realize that’s a lot to take in.” she said with a shy smile. “But to clarify, I’m able to do this because I’m not alone, and because I refuse to give anything less than my all. I care, and its not something I know how to turn off.”