at least im alive [dars]

She never asked for a life like this.

She knew that the moment she won the title of the 80th Hunger Games, and even now, approaching the beginning of the 85th, Annie knew well that she still wasn’t too keen on accepting the life of a victor. Sure, she got the best deal out of everyone, or at least that is what everyone else thinks, even most of the victors that surround her during this restless time. Some of them claim it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t know, and some of them do blame her. There was nothing she could do about the perception that she was projected by others. Some people expected her to always be at the mercy of the capitol, but Annie had always thought the opposite. She was not the type of person to bow down to a higher power. She wouldn’t do it for her father, and she wouldn’t do it now, even if she was given an opportunity like no one had seen before.

That wasn’t her problem, and she owed nothing to anyone because of it.

---

But that didn’t stop victors like Nico Thorne from having an opinion, and as long as Annie was concerned, he could have those opinions. That was his right after all. If he wanted to blame Annie for what happened in his games, that was his choice. Annie wasn’t too concerned with people like him anyway, bitter people always got what was coming to them after all. She still found ways to sleep at night without having to think about the words that Nico would call her when they were in the same room. She found ways to compartmentalize it after all. He was nothing but a thorn in the side and as long as Annie kept her wits about her, she could avoid it every single time. 

She was a strong girl.

That is what everyone called her as she tried to navigate what life she still had here in Panem. Even here in the capitol, she was still noticed on the daily. However, people still talked about the 80th like it had happened yesterday. There was nothing that she could do about that. Her games was seen as one of the most prolific after all, and even when you walked into certain shops, they were selling images of Annie plastered on t-shirts and figurines of her with scale replicas of the knives she used to win the games. Annie always thought it was a bit much, and she thought it was even more sickening when she watched children beg their parents to buy them. She did not want to be seen as this hero, but well, she was. She was going to be seen like this hero for a long time. 

She wished she could disappear.

---

That would never happen as long as the 80th was attached to her name. There was no way of absolving her of that either. She would always be known as the girl that got a second chance. The girl that could face the people she killed eye to eye. The one who got away with it all.

She got better at stomaching the bile that formed in her throat when she thought about it for too long. And right now, this was not the place for her to vomit publicly. She had been told to head up to the lounge above the training center so she could view all of the tributes as they figured out how things worked. Of course, Annie had a feeling that both of hers would be able to figure it out with very little pushback. Though, she knew she would have to be willing to help them if they asked. She knew that Beck was eager to show that he could do the same thing that Annie had just did, and maybe she would let him do exactly that. 

After all, it made it a little easier for Annie to calm herself before the real storm came.

There had been refreshments in the room she stepped in, and she had gotten up early because she knew that this place would fill up soon. It helped that both of her tributes had been early risers, whether they liked it or not. Annie had always been too. Even when she was in these halls, she would wake up at least 2 hours before the most of the tributes just to come and train.

Had she known what the twist was beforehand, she probably wouldn’t have cared as much. However, now she was here, and trying to guess what was going to come of these games. She sat in one of the chairs that she deemed more comfortable than the rest, reserving the other with a jacket that she had brought with her, just in case Beck wanted a private viewing more than a public one. She figured that he wouldn’t be joining her on this one, but that just meant that she was making it publicly clear that she wasn’t keen on letting anyone sit next to her. After all, the last thing that she wanted to do was to start anymore drama between herself and the other victors.

She knew it was a pain, but that pain was what the capitol fed off, and if Annie could help it, she would continue to slap as many bandaids as she could on top until they couldn’t rip them off any further.

Maybe her wounds would heal after a couple more years of this, or maybe they wouldn’t. Annie was never sure, seeing as she was not like other victors. Her wounds still walked around, and manifested into real people, and until they started dying, her wounds would not go away. That was always the hardest part. The one that she would not admit to herself.

She looked forward, looking at a couple of the tributes that had gotten an early start to the morning. She had a glass of orange juice in hand and a piece of toast in the other. She had a small plate of food to the side of her, but nothing too much because she knew they would feed her during lunch. She noticed herself that a glass of champagne had been missing, but she did not care for that. It was always baby steps for her when it came to kicking the craving for a glass of alcohol. She had been doing better, not getting carried away since the night she had gone home with Shelby Levaine. 

She still wasn’t sure how to feel about all of that.

That’s when she felt the presence of someone next to her.

”If you’re going to sit, please at least move my jacket.” Annie said, keeping her focus forward, realizing that a jacket was not going to stop anyone from trying to approach her. After all, she had been one of the most sought after victors since she won. 

Though she didn’t know what this was going to be about.