fleur adroxis | d9 | fin

I don't ask for much. All I ask for is your respect, your reverence even.

Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself. Reverence is earned. My family knows this better than any other - we've been established in District Nine for decades. We're the ones in charge of the weapons, the ammunition, all the things that go boom. At some point, my lungs became more gunsmoke than flesh and I don't remember when that was. Maybe it was after the flames cleared, after the scream left my throat, the second the trigger clicked - I don't know. I only remember when I stopped suffocating.

I wasn't there when Blanche was shot, but I heard the sound, felt the floor tremble (or maybe that was just me). Sometimes I still clutch my abdomen and wonder what it's like to be torn apart, to have every part of you explode into the world in a cloud of fire and tissue. I suppose I won't know until I have to.

Blanche may be the heir - he's got the scar to prove it - but I would be a better leader. Oh, there I go boasting again. But it's hard not to boast when everything I have is all that I've worked for. When you're the second-born, the second chance, you do everything in your power to be greater than the first. Even before being Blanche's replacement, I am my own usurper, trying to erase the memories of the girl who held her first pistol as far away from her body as possible.

That girl, with her flat brown hair and wide, unassuming eyes, wouldn't survive a day in this family. She was too kind, too forgiving. Yet, I've learned that I have greatly underestimated her fight; even now, I am still trying to kill her. Toughen up, Fleur.

But her heart comes in handy, sometimes. Where another might show no restraint, I may turn the other cheek. After all, there's no use in having more enemies than you can handle. But if someone were to step out of line more than once, well, something would have to be done about that. It's a compromise between the dying girl inside of me and my family, who would've handled it faster, dammit. I may tremble as I pull the trigger, but I no longer choke. I am no longer suffocating.

Toughen up, Fleur. And I have.

I would be a great leader. I know that you need connections to get ahead, not just watchful eyes. Why strike fear from afar when you can be up close and personal, entangled in the lives of your people? Don't be fooled, I work alone - but there's something powerful in knowing just how much you wield over others. I smile, I bat my eyelashes, and they practically swallow the barrel. To some, that may seem dangerous, but I'm the one in control. I am always in control.

...at least, this is what I tell myself. If I vanish into the background behind my brother, behind my cousins, then I don't have to play by their rules. I can build my own throne. Yet, nothing stops me from eyeing that pretty pedestal at the front, the one that everyone can see. So I shoot straight, walk with my head held high, because one day it will be me in that position, and the entire district will bow to the Adroxis name.

Maybe then my heart will stop screaming out for someone to put it out of its misery.