back in my bones ; emmett & lysander blitz
Jun 6, 2020 21:41:34 GMT -5
Post by calla on Jun 6, 2020 21:41:34 GMT -5
E M M E T T
L E R O U X
☵
I thought volunteering would change something, I really did. But first it was Icarus before I left, and then it was Opal on the train and then Terra in the elevator. You're not one of them, they had all said, you're not good enough.
I spent the whole day training, just trying to drown them out, and I can feel the ache in my arms and the wobble in my knees when I stop. I'm still trying to prove something - everything. So when Jade goes back to our floor I go down, wander through the corridors to the dining hall, because I doubt that they'll be anyone down there this late and I need two seconds to just breathe.
But I should've known that the universe has never, ever, let me off that easy before. When I get there, someone's already sitting under the dimmed lighting, a hunched figure at one of the long tables and I almost turn back, run to lick my wounds, just avoid her like I've been avoiding everyone else today. But I watch her and something clicks, something sort of shifts behind my eyes and the feral thing inside me decides fuck it.
I'm supposed to be proud. I'm supposed to be strong and tough and not back down from any challenge.
And I guess this is a challenge. (?)
Maybe the real challenge is the bottle in front of her.
I walk over to the table and sit across from her, hit with a sudden longing to see Tatton and Aurora one last time. I brace myself a little, ready for another storm to circle around my name, and try to act like I didn't almost work myself to death today, "What's a guy gotta do to get a drink around here?"