to kill a ghost / perdita & emmett

She loses herself in training.

Because there's nowhere else to go, and all the doors are locked. She finds an escape in warfare. It helps that people avoid her when her fists are raised, that she can crush the questions and the greetings beneath the pressure of her knuckles.

And they are bruised, and she is a wreck, but she did not come here to die. She says this with a slit throat, choking on the truth after forcing herself to swallow a poison pill. 'I did not come here to die.' She's here, and she's trapped, and that's all there is.

Her forehead is shining with sweat, biceps aching as she adjusts her ponytail. Before this, she had never considered herself athletic — there were other distractions, a different kind of rush to live for. Like loving, and losing, and leaving. But for a girl that has always chosen flight, she is learning the benefits of fighting.

The strength station becomes her new home, training herself to carry the full force of weights and learning how to down targets that are larger than herself. Her muscles are tearing apart, rebuilding themselves into something new, and she looks in the mirror each night and tries to love this stranger.

This furious girl.

But then she spits out blood from a torn cheek, and takes a cold shower, and the cycle continues. Ruin, and rebirth, and the refusal to be kind to herself. She cannot afford kindness here, not with anyone. "You just gonna stand there, or are you going to join me?" She shifts her focus to the boy from One, and then she regrets it.

Because he reminds her of her brother, and now he has a face in her memory. It's so much harder to kill a living thing. That's all that you can kill. She tries to wipe the fatigue away from her face, but her skin is still red and damp from the physical strain.

"If we're going to be in each other's space, we might as well get some use out of it." She takes her position on the floor, lowering herself into a sparring stance. Her face is cold, and determined, and she has no energy left to be playful or cocky.

"And if you kick my ass, you have to teach me your tricks. That's the deal."

This is a bird facing off against a lion.

This is nature going up in flames.

"Don't hold back. I can take a hit."