most common evils »» zoe

[ m a t e u s ]

How long does forgiveness take? 

Especially when you don't deserve it. He had graduated already, one step ahead of the things that bit at his heels. Pleads, and screams, and cries, and an island of dead teenagers -- of his own necessities. Mateus Marshal had been the one to start it all, it seemed, and for so long his only regret was that he hadn't killed Brentley as well. The blood washes off and stains all the same, his father covers it up for him. Covers up the way he ruins lives time and time again, and he never learned remorse. 

They don't teach peacekeepers that. It had been years of the sort since he left, Calypso Leto searching for any track that showed his blood on the line, that branded him anything more than a survivor. He had always been surprised in the way the station had protected him so well; how Calypso would never find justice for what happened. How the best she could ever find on him was Braun in his room shirtless, panting in the way they thought there was a future together. 

A part of him still wants to believe he's better, that Mateus Marshal had built himself up from his own boot straps and whether it be steel or gunpowder, he was a peacekeeper on his own merit. But it became ever so obvious as he held that white suit- he was his father's work. Something so brazen in the way he was satisfied in his own failures, played it off so well. Mateus had fought off the attacker - not Brentley. 

Brentley had the drugs, not Braun. 

Brentley was something to fear, in the danger he held to the community. Mateus would speak it like gospel; the easiest way to climb is to pull yourself up the ledge, push the ground beneath your feet. Walk away from the edge and continue on with life, he never cared who he pulled beneath him to make it. Because he had made it, and that was what was worth it, right? Mateus lived, and thrived, and he laughed under the mask as Perdita Leto killed herself in one sentence. 

Not because she would win or lose, die as she may. Only because it would ruin Brentley more; Mateus was sickly pleasured in the idea of that boy's collapse. That every lie would manifest in a blonde boy's skin and for as long as Mateus could convince himself in his own complacency, Brentley failing validated the delusion. Validated that pain, Mateus didn't want to be happy anymore. It was something he realized as the world collapsed around them, that he was only happy in the way he could make people bleed. He could hold the trigger behind Brentley's back and escort him to the Justice Building, and feel the anticipation of how close he would be to proving control. 

Perhaps Perdita and him weren't all too different; the way they live to hurt. So slowly, so dramatically, he smiled behind the peacekeeper mask knowing nobody would see. 

Perhaps, that's why he could. Mateus didn't smile now a days, not even around Braun. Couldn't even say the boy's first name, now that they he was a peacekeeper. Mateus didn't want anything to do with him now that he had the suit, he only wanted more. To watch Braun fall apart now that he was on his own, it was the only emotion he had towards him nowadays. Calypso would bust the two of them in a heart beat and so Mateus discarded those emotions as he had most dead things. 

A trash bag, soaking in the way it held all those memories. Every good thing he ever had with that boy, he threw it in the river and refused to see him again. Besides, Braun was nothing but the anchor in the deep ocean, begging to pull him under the weight, and Mateus was a ship already sinking against the high tide. Water poked through the holes in the way Mateus could keep his facades together, all the lies he had built and that's all he truly had at the end of the day. 

Lies, and his father's guilt. 

The way his mother weeps in how hateful he is. 

Mateus doesn't care to hear about it anymore, only waits the days to see when she'll be over it. That's what this has all become really, a waiting game. He waited years for Calypso to move on and find a new case to crack, and Brentley waited years for Mateus to crack and spill. Sleek oil on the ground in the way it would come out, Mateus struggled for so long holding it all in. The way he killed, the way he ruined so much at seventeen years old; at the time he hadn't wanted to, and he almost felt pride in the way he did it regardless. 

He acts however he pleases these days, with the rifle in hand. It's with pleasure he escorts Brentley in the Justice Building, anonymous in the way that he's just another bastard. Just another peacekeeper, the dark tint of the visor blurring the features of his face -- part of him wishes he could have fucked things up this bad. Had a hand in it all, like he could make things worse, but as Brentley sees Perdita for the last time, Mateus takes his way outside. Takes the mask off, to smell the salt in the air. 

This was nice, like a reunion.

Maybe Calpyso could record it all, post it wherever she sticks her nose in next. 

They can throw the funeral at the Hailsham island! Like good friends, he could never get away with killing Brentley anywhere but an island, it seemed. That air of elitism is in his lungs, cycling like its the thing that keeps him going; in a way, it is. That pride, the ego of a man with no friends, only contacts. He wondered if Brentley would ever forgive him -- maybe the two could be good friends after all. Through everything, he could admit, Brentley was just as goddamn resilient. 

They were a lot a like! He straightens the white of his suit as he hears the Justice Building door open again, walking to meet Brentley on the stairs. Not for the first time, Mateus seems to find a way to always be there, just as Calpyso had for him. So strange, they way they must care for each other, he smiles something lovingly. 

"I'm sorry for your loss," as if he knew anything. 

As if he truly cared. 

The first words spoken in so long, and it was the apology Brentley had always needed, right? This is his lucky day; his addiction to Perdita gets killed off, and Mateus says those two warm words. I'm sorry, and a few extras, it could be a lifetime before he ever truly meant it, or Brentley would ever truly accept it. But hey, in a month, Perdita will be dead. Like the universe is forgiving Brentley, for existing in Mateus's way.