as i ache [Bird/Callum]

as i ache [Bird/Callum] Jul 10, 2020 22:53:14 GMT -5

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Post by pogue on Jul 10, 2020 22:53:14 GMT -5

C A L L U M L E A R E

As it turns out, losing a brother, an ally, another ally, and a half a heart does something to a person.

Mud cakes his face and his cloak, a glob flying and crashing into his eye as it's pulled and sprayed from the wet ground below, shot and spread by the boys as they roll and tumble within the waters. His fingers curl in on themselves, balled into a fist and he desperately tries to bring it down on the boy from ten's face, missing it by only a hair as the boy twists his face away. He feels red flow through his veins, twisting and curling in his stomach before finally resting within his cheeks, globs of spit resting on his tongue before leaping from his lips as he grunts- no, screams out in frustration.

Yet, perhaps it is grief-

hurt-

honesty-

Whatever it is, it is a different kind of pain than he has ever experienced. It comes first as a ringing in his ears and the thump of a heart resting on hurt heartstrings, desperately trying to bear the weight of the lies he'd told himself and the truth that he has now found.

Then again, perhaps the truth had found him.

He's pressing his weight down into the boys chest, heart thumping mind racing and faces pressed too close for comfort. The lobsters claw digs tighter into his hair as his body instinctively tries to yank his head away from the boys, gasping as pain cracks and splits from the top of his head. Water splashes and curls around flailing limbs and rolled fists, and when he finally manages to get his body in the right position his hand slips into the pocket of his cloak and curls around the knife that rests within, iridescent blade glimmering in the sunlight as he raise it and prepares to plunge it into the boys head, to carve the only hope he has of finding Bird out of his skull.

Metal screams, Niko screams, a cannon screams.

Silence screams too, just in a different way.

The static from the phone sputters and breaks as weapons are lowered and mouths are closed, hearts beating and hearts breaking. From his less than optimal and awkward position he catches sight of Nikolai's body finally resting within the waters, hears the splash of water from footsteps, hears the screaming meow of a kitten clinging to floating limb.

He hears everything at once, yet he can't hear the only thing that mattered to him in the moment.

"Bird?" He chokes out.

---~---

"I said go, Callum!"

His eyes flash up to see Kahinta making her way towards him, morning star raised and cold stare pressed into her face. Scattered all over her skin are stains of red, splatters of blood that he can tell are not hers.

He sees the red of Nikolai’s life and knows he's outnumbered.

Another promise broken. I'll find you Bird, he tries to tell himself.

The knife finds a new target as he presses the blade into his own hair just underneath the lobsters claw, pain bubbling and pulsing as the creature tugs and thrashes. He feels blood from the strain run down his skull as he haphazardly saws through his own hair until, amongst heaving breaths and gasps of pain he feels his head finally snap free from the creatures grasp.

He scrambles, off of the boy from Ten and hits ass first into the ground next to them, wincing as his gashed wrist hits the ground beneath the water. He quickly rises to his feet, water pouring from within the creases and folds of his now sopped cloak and falling to the bloody waters below. He curls his fist and feels it shake once more, eyes flashing between Kahinta and the telephone still attached to the boys head. Thump, his heart cracks in his chest and he picks up his sword from the waters, slowly backing away from the fight and watching the other two alliances make their way out as well.

He doesn't have the energy or the heart to run, the weight of a broken promise digging deep into his shoulders and carving the words of a story he'd never read into his flesh. Instead, he makes his way towards the start of his downfall, the white pillars of the mausoleum looming ominously amongst the tombstones surrounding it. The steps are a refuge from the red waters that coat the ground, and as he feels the soft squeak of water pressing out from his shoes as he steps on the cold stone every muscle in his body tells him to collapse, the exhaustion of death seeping into his brain and poisoning his heart.

He stares at the ornate door and the door stares back.

A blink and a heartbeat, the realization settles into his skin in the form of ice.

Right in front of us .. this whole time. He presses a hand to the door as if he expects to feel something, presses his ears to them like he would be able to hear Bird's voice through the thick stone. The gargoyles that guard the entrance are laughing at him, at the sick twist of the arena and the sick twist that churns in his stomach at the thought of what existed behind those doors- of what existed for Bird.

He laughs too, feels it slip from his mouth and tumble to the stone below. But it is guttural and hollow, quickly fading into the oblivion of shaking breaths as tears well up behind his eyes.

Hell existed, he had known that.

What he had not known was that hell wasn’t only the arena.

He collapses to the steps in front of the mausoleum, feeling the cold water bite through his cloak and send a heavy chill into his skin and bones. He presses a gashed wrist into his cloak, watching the blood that seeped from it mix with the waters that slipped and fell from the fabric. In turn, he feels shivers course their way through his bones, his head lulling back and his eyes falling back to the sky. In between blinks he sees Kestrel's face looking back at him, hears the anthem blaring in his ears. Blink again and it shifts to the sight of her in his arms, her last breaths accompanying a chorus of heartbeats in his chest.

"I'm sorry you didn't make it back, Kes." It falls from his mouth in a whisper, hearing a camera nestled above him turn and zoom to focus in on his face. He hears Nikolai's screams in the back of his mind now, soft whispers of the waters around him doing nothing to mask it. But maybe you're the lucky one.

He is battered and broken, and hurting from the inside out.

But he is alive, and he thinks, hopes desperately that Bird is too.

as i ache [Bird/Callum] Jul 11, 2020 3:04:50 GMT -5

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Post by d4 tati pelotte [azalea] on Jul 11, 2020 3:04:50 GMT -5

bird ivy

Hellemine falls silent, the tomb’s heavy air rippling as it crumbles under the weight of her non-existence. But I don’t hear the silence, I feel it. I look down at myself: dead, bloodied, a mess, a void, seemingly feeling and unfeeling at the same time. Because this is the fall I’ve always known was on the table but never wanted to admit was a reality, because sometimes, living only through fantasy has the ability to numb the pain before it even happens.

There’s no need to do that anymore. Yeah, I’m alive but I still paid my life and I’m not sure I’ll ever get that back. I think I’ll always be in some sort of in between, like a ghost haunting its childhood family home desperately trying to piece together the peace that exists only in a dream. Dead like a ghost and hollow to the core – I’m not sure I’ll ever feel truly alive again.

As Hellemine’s body lies on the ground, the mausoleum door begins to shift open. The light being the first thing to cut into the darkness, but its golden liquid fails to penetrate the gloomy tomb’s atmosphere completely. It’s a mix of light and dark, good and bad and it seems like the perfect picture for a girl who considers herself somewhere in the in between. When I take a few steps towards the exit, I feel the sun on my skin – the frosty layer I’ve grown since being dead unable to be burnt away by the rays. I squint at how bright the day is, how real it is, how full of everything and so empty of nothing it is, but most strikingly, how good it feels to live another day.

And I know that life will never be the same. I know that. But when you’ve been to Hell even for a second, daylight feels like heaven on earth. My heart tries so hard to beat freely but it finds itself still chained within the darkness it woke up in, forever caught in the nightmare death has cursed it with.

I am grateful. I have to be grateful. But I’m grateful in a way that remembers and does not forget.

The elixir of day becomes a fleeting memory in an instant. Because when I finally exit the tomb and press my broken feet against the cold stone stairs, there’s a figure waiting for me. And I’d walk straight back into the tomb if it was anyone other than Callum – but as my eyes adjust to the gold and I stop seeing grey, I realise that it is him, and that despite our differences, we are both iridescent.

"Huh, not bad for a dead bitch, right?" I say to him with a relieved smile. I look up to the sky and take a deep breath in. This is life, and even in death, it is so beautiful. "You don’t know how good it feels to smell your vomit again."